where have you been??

first of all the question was actually for me.. why? in this few weeks i've been away from writing anything because i'm afraid that i might post something that i shouldn't say and tell here..

complications in my life currently was like a massacre..

i don't know.. okay.. no!.. it's a bullshit if i said that i don't know.. i know..

i'm broken hearted.. i'm depressed.. i'm in tense.. i'm in full of anger..

still it was hidden under..

why is it hard to trust a person that we used to trust.. and am i too naive in letting people in.. its very frustrating.. come and go just like that.. happens in one night.. do you ever felt very.. i don't know how to portray such bid hates and disappointment in my heart right now..

let put one situation..

you met with some one, and you start to like him/her.. yadiyadiyada.. back and forth.. back and forth.. he/she ask you to meet.. you guys meet and then start to express feelings.. but in the end you guys were left on a dungeon to rot.. its like you have been left astray on the street..

well what ever.. or maybe the example was way out of the road.. but still.. then when you trying to adapt yourself to something.. something did happen for me and i've been restrained on such matters.. well i don't even liked it..

nonetheless for the posers, stop pushing your lucks.. why.. because it gonna get worst.. i try to be nice to people and grow to be a new leaf with good manners and no verbal abused.. i'm surely in confidence that i has lessen my cursing and what not.. but still.. people do it.. 

i'm sick of you guys who defying me..

one person says to me that be like a fish. why?? to it surrounding in ocean it is salty but still the fish was not salty cuz of surrounding.. means that.. trying to ignore the surrounding was a bliss and make you stronger..

but i'm stilll............

since things that people says in my whole life is just something that i don't even bother to know and to take it personally or seriously so i let it passed..


but lately i've been pulled down to the peak of patient and sanity..


in our life, its a yes if we had done something neither good nor bad and as we know it came with a consequences.. with our decision and mere thin chance in hoping it would be a good ending sometimes can be just a dream.. from that chance try on live and start a new day... we must.. be strong and endure it..


however,


this time i can't do it.. i don't know why.. i've done everything i've could.. some of the mistakes and problem we need to think either it was from us or others or even third-party.. being irrational and typical thinking like most of the human being would have done in settling their problems will end up ugly..


right now.. let us be strong and cleanse all storm clouds little by little.. it will still be there.. but that is the least effort we can do...


THINK WHETHER THE PROBLEM STARTS OURSELF OR OTHERS AND BE PROFESSIONAL..


STAND UP TALL AND CONFRONT IT!!..


NOTHING CAN PERSUADE YOUR EAGERNESS BETTER THAN YOUR COURAGE!!

is it a must???...

i have lots of topic to post actually but i forgot what is actually the relation with all of the things.. hmmm...

lying for liars

can money buy everything

desperation??

i can't came into conclusion.. many things is lingering in my heads currently.. i hope i can say something that i can't say here.. and i'm also in dilemma.. am i doing something that is very wrong or am i not that .. enough.. its hard to clarify and defy what is actually happening.. because at certain point life is just like a drama when you have to act away from something that you are not.. trying to put more ostentatious act so that its all away..

from the actual reason its hard to convey..

ok.. let say.. i'm sure we would have wanted something so bad in your life until some point you might do anything to get it.. like a child that would want barbie doll when xdapat teghiak mcm oghang xcukop napaih sampai anak tekak boleh tekeluaq menari-nari depan muka.. mcm tu la description dy..

so back to the question.. kan ble kte dah dapat... when the time you posses that thing you liked and wanted dearly you were like wanna-die-together with that thing.. when you already got a person that you want and the person is everything in your life sampai korang akan sanggup lepaskan benda lain yg dulunya amat penting hanya kerana dia but in the end the person isn't feeling anything towards you even the fate that you guys met and getting close to each other is just a 'game'.. nothing... nada.. nai.. maen angin j... huuffff!!!!!..... or there is nothing else can do between you guys.. at that time you will feel like the pressure is suffocating you and mula nk SENTAP BK dgn keadaan sekeliling.. also at that particular time you will think all the bad thing.. please don't get me wrong from the actual reality.. because this things is actually really bit deal in life.. 

but you are just not that strong enough to 'left that memory in dream so that you can dream it to be great' and that can be something that is so irony..

we will start questioning.. why he/she left after all the journey.. why he/she do this to me.. etc etc... well that is when we are doing the hard work on ourself.. but try to think.. yes it might have many possibilities that maybe HE want you to see and to stop what ever things that you are doing..

never mind... if we were playing in the game that had been created by he/she.. and game we'll give them... try to put on little wits.. but if we know that is some part the problems emerged came from yourself, backing off and start a new life is a better thing cz nowadays opportunity is everywhere...

leave on the old one and search new hope but don't put high expectations... be aware and beware.. but before we do such thing, prepare for the consequence and get to know who started and do wrong first.. think of broad things don't just see that you have done good and nice all the time because sometimes we can't see or realize what have we done...

i urged.. left that memoirs to rot!!... start new one...