i'm sorry
i know i shouldn't do as what i did now. i must tell because it is your rights. i'm winning a battle of life and now i'm dealing with another battle. astaghfirullah. what i need is peace and serenity to set up straight agian my life and also my mind. i admit that it is my fault. now that everyting is almost dealt come to the consequence where i should actually straighten up intention first. i ran a way to make my life easier but i forgot that my action make other people feel worst. friends, i'm reminding us make a runaway that is easy for not to battle for.
the prupose of this actually should be giving me the courage and the achievement of what i need. i'm dealing with many life issue as what -yes everyone has their downfall and top notch- people are dealing with everyday.
DECISION, RECUPERATION, LETTING GO AND NEW PATH.
after the call that i made which i am perfectly aware of what actually will happen make me feel in an abundance of guitl and frustration. when a wall is built it was meant to block everything no exception. that is the prupose of building a wall in life. seperating you from other events and people. in the other hands, i'm building a wall of emotions and security that i tend to make it work like a real life brick wall but actually there must be an exception for a person to another person that is forever is your virtue because its an emotion and mentally wall not a wall made out by real brick.
i can here the aount of frustration and again disappointment as a matter of fact i actually wasn't at ease when i'm doing this scribble. my intention and solely purpose is to make myself as what i should be and functioned like before.
i didn't make this purposely hence it is also not made unintentionally and i'm not blaming the system and walls that i've built around me.
what i learn about lessons in life is how you escape from a minesweeper to the other site of save platform rether than you do something more ridicule and you shouldn't do. its like a labyrinth that you need to go out from a labyrinth that you don't know which exit you should take but yet you use your instinct. be wise and think of what the consequence of each exit because life is gambling. you thought that it is the right bet to put but by any chances and you might win and lose.
sometimes there a secret that we actually craving feeling free to tell anyone at anytime we want alas that is not how the order of life works. you need to have a vault of yourself for you not to tell even your family and anyone you feel close and comfortable with. that is the most frustrating things you must do. TO KEEP. no doubt that there a person that is vice versa but at certain point i am sure that not every story is favour by us to tell anyone. the feeling of insecurity that you and only god knows the secret of your own life.
and it is not easy.
again, i'm at a big guilt when i wrote this and what i decide is what i chose to do because in the end the person you love is the thing that you treasure the most. human always apologise again and again and again until at certain point we forget what is the actual meaning for. no matter how much we apologise and try to make things right, the disappointment and shattering heartswe can't cure. in future events i might need to stop doing absurd and abrupt decisions because i am the trust. trust that she put on me.
Mak, adik mintak maaf. :(
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