kita sebagai manusia ni jangan LAHANAT SANGAT. okay?

this post is related to my super hot head event of mine during form 2.

back then i was a very very very very bad temper guy. i could flip a table just by one word that could send me to the principle office.

gini haa cerita dia. masa aku dekat lower secondary dulu aku ni suka bergiat aktif dalam bidang yang macam choral speaking, debate, singing semua laaa kecuali sport.. i only play little sports but i'm good in kawad kaki and stuff yang teach about discipline.

time aku kat sekolah menengah dulu aku ni jenis yang SANGAT kurang ajar. anda semua rasa sekarang aku kurang ajar? dulu aku 5 6 kali ganda lagi kurang ajar. aku participate dalam choral speaking competition, ceritanya about one-eyed mother. pengorbanan seorang ibu yang cacat penglihatan terhadap anaknya. senang cita macam ala ala si tanggang la cita ni. dah berjaya lupa asal usul.

this one fine day dimana mood aku sangat baik dan suka beramah mesra pada hari itu, terjadi satu perkara yang aku rasa sangat bengang.. main point disini is..

"KENAPA BILA KITA DITEGUR UNTUK SESUATU YANG BAIK, KITA HARUS MELENTING DAN MORE OR LESS RESPOND DENGAN CAKAP 'SO?'

SO MAK ABAH KAU!!.. tolong la be super open minded bila orang tegur. bukan teguran tu untuk memalukan ke apa sebab proses pembelajaran tidak akan berhenti sampai kau mati. haaaa.. aku dah bengang ni.. hahaha

well of course choral speaking is in English right. the story goes -again- like this..

kami ada practice on that day, more on pronunciation and enunciation. although aku ni bukan native speaker on that time -sekarang macam hebat sikit- aku tahu macam mana nak sebut perkataan dengan betul. nasib baik aku tak belajar phonetic time tu.. kalau tidak memang aku dah beli kertas mahjung tulis besar-besar dekat dia macam mana nak sebut perkataan tu and the word is REUNION..

orang ni adalah seorang perempuan Gemok berbangsa Serani dan beragama Kristian Catholic dan dia ni boleh cakap 3 bahasa which are Mandarin, English and Malay. go to hell la kau boleh cakap berbelas bahasa pon.. the main thing is bila orang tegur tu dengar.. jangan ego. perempuan ni sangat ego. dia sebut..

REUNION = RE-NEW-YEN

actual

REUNION = RE-YU-NIEN

dia bertekak dengan aku in quite awhile la nak stand dengan dia punya sebutan tu. sebab time tu dia ni jadi kami punya conductor dan bertanggungjawab untuk dengar sebutan dan betulkan kesalahan kami. time aku tegur dia tu kami berempat sahaj dengan 3 orang lagi kawan aku. aku tegur dia punya sebutan tu salah dan dia arigue dengan aku and i was like hello whore!? walaupun aku ni cakap BAHASA UTAGHA ja selalu. tapi aku tahu macam mana nak sebut perkataan reunion tu. jauh merapak kot reunion dengan cara sebutan dia.. bongok ke apa. dah sah sah depan mata hang sebutan tu salah...

so disebabkan itu aku nak tegaskan dan NASIHAT kepada semua yang membaca post ni untuk tebalkan muka dan menerima teguran orang dengan rasa terbuka but of course la anda boleh melenting kalau orang tu tegur dengan cara memalukan anda di depan orang lain.. kalau tegur baik baik tiada masalahkan. disebabkan perempuan itu, bila aku nampak perkataan reunion tu aku akan teringat peristiwa yang aku rasa macam nak simbah petrol kat uka pompuan tu dan bakar dia hidup hidup..

AGAIN!!!

JANGAN NAK EGO SANGAT BILA ORANG TEGUR TU.. JANGAN BODOH SOMBONG!!! HISHHH!!!! MARAH BETUL AKU NI.. 

bolehkah anda memikul beban kehidupan? jangan hipokrit dengan jawapan bongkak anda.

merujuk perkara diatas, festival yang amat memberansangkan yang dianjurkan oleh Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka sangatlah best!!

disertai oleh pelbagai IPTA dan IPTS sebanyak 16 institusi dan sebanyak 26 penyertaan monodrama yang dipertandingkan. selain itu, bengkel seperti pemurnian skrip dan juga bengkel lakonan juga telah dijalankan oleh pihak penganjur.

seperti yang anda semua lihat program yang dirancangkan sangat teliti dan padat walaupun ada juga yang terkucil sewaktu.

dah la dengan bahasa baku tu! stress!!. hahahah

ok, cerita mudahnya monodrama ni adalah untuk mengetengahkan bakat-bakat lakonan dan juga penulisan pelajar-pelajar dan adaptasi dari nukilan penulis-penulis terkenal. aku sangatlah teruja dengan benda baru yang aku dapat belajar disini PLUS aku juga telah jumpa keluarga baru disini. keluarga baru dari UTP, UKM, UMP, UPM (aku mention yang rapat je.. tapi semua pun aku mash anggap seperti keluarga). they were all awesome.. YA ALLAH!! dengan peluang yang diberi ni aku tak menyesal pergi eventhough pada mulanya aku sangat berat nak pegi. bukan berat la tapi perasan tu rasa macam tak selesa dan akhirnya perasan tidak selesa tu jadi pada hari terakhir bila aku berpisah sementara dengan keluarga baru ni.

i love you people!!

my new set of family

(soundsowrong)

tapi apa yang aku nak ceritakan disebalik kegembiraan ni sebenarnya keperitan seorang insan bernama Azhar Jalil. So, entri ni sebenarnya adalah untuk menceritakan kekuatan dan semangat seorang yang boleh dianggap anak seni ini.

AzharJalil

Penulis, Pengarah, Penggiat Seni dan Seorang Anak

dengan apa yang aku tahu selama 4 hari (walaupun aku tak selalu berinteraksi dengan dia) dia adalah seorang penggiat seni dengan cara dia dimana ramai orang kenal dia bila bertemu dengan orang lain. karyanya seperti Jampi dan Bahagi Dua amat mengagumkan aku, walaupun tiada di internet tapi aku rasa nukilan dia ni mesti ada dalam rekod arkib Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka.

ceritanya;

pada hari Azhar nak perform dia punya monodrama yang bertajuk Ring..Ring..Ring.. karya Ahmad Hashim AKA Seni Bayan. ceritanya pasal seorang jutawan bernama Tengku Azhar yang muflis dan menanggung hutang berbillion ringgit. dia ni nak bunuh diri dan acapkali dia cuba nak bunuh diri mesti ada orang call fon ofis dia. piza boy lah, setiausaha peribadi dia lah, doktor peribadi dia lah dan emak dia sendiri. so kami pon tengoklah pementasan yang dilakonkan oleh Azhar. walaupun persembahan dia macam ada delay sikit tapi dia punya delivery an energy NAUZUBILLAH! bagi aku memang patutlah dia menang persembahan monodrama terbaik. yang kedua Nisa from UKM dengan lakonan karya sendiri bertajuk Bukan Mimpi (dia ni wanita yang hebat la dan she's an Indonesian), ketiga dimenangi oleh Atul from UTP dengan lakonan karya Shamsul Rahman bertajuk Pondok Nyai Temah (dia ni pulak ada suara yang sangat menarik perhatian aku.)

TAPI YANG SEBENARNYA.........

delay yang berlaku sebelum persembahan Azhar adalh disebabkan dari panggilan telefon yang dia dapat. irony from the play which is also related to a phone call, Azhar dapat berita KEMATIAN BONDA tercinta beberapa minit sebelum dia melakukan pementasan..

ASTAGHFIRULLAHAL 'AZIM!

macam mana dia dapat memberikan 100% tenaga dia dan pengabdian dia terhadap lakonan dia sehinggakan  kami tak nampak dan tak menyangka dia diganggu dan dibelenggu oleh sesuatu yang perit. siapa pon tak menyangka yagn dia sedang bersedih.. dia berjenaka. dia tersenyum yang begitu ikhlas betul kata SOBRI ANUAR:

" Pemisah dunia realiti dan dunia lakonan pentas cuma di ruang lalu antara baris kerusi pertama dan platform depan pentas. jarak yang begitu dekat"

selepas dia buat persembahan, akuada perasan jugak yang dia keluar dari stage dengan keadaan terhuyung-hayang. aku ingatkan dia masih silau sebab pemisah keadaan gelap belakang stage dan terang stage. tak lama lepas tu semua dengar dia teriak bertempikkan MAMA!

kami semua tertanya-tanya la apa sebab dia menjerit tak tentu pasal. ingatkan masih in character. lepas tu Seni Bayan buat pengumuman tentang pemergian bonda Azhar. BAYANGKAN! Dewan Budaya USM yang bising dengan suara-suara kami tiba-tiba jadi suram dan ada jugak yang tetiba saja menangis. terus ramai yang takde mood lepas tu.

Sedih. sangat sedih sampaikan kami sendiri pon boleh rasa hiba Azhar. juga, Syazwan (pelakon mewakili UiTMPP) pon menangis bila dia cerita balik dekat aku yang bila dia nampak Azhar jadi lembik sambil menangis panggil mama dia.

itulah sesuatu yang sangat perit untuk seorang anak seni dan payah bagi mereka untuk menyimpan perasaan mereka. ANDA CUBA BAYANGKAN! CUBA BAYANGKAN! dia mampu menyorokkan kesedihan dia tanpa orang lain tahu dia tengah bersedih.. kalau aku memang dah tarik diri eventhough aku perform pon aku mesti akan distracted dan pasti akan berhenti setengah jalan.

marilah kita sedekahkan Al-Fatihah untuk bonda Azhar Jalil yang pergi pada 30 November 2012

AL-FATIHAH..................................

put up something you don't want to be. actually.

if you smile through your pain and sorrowsmile and maybe tomorrowyou'll see the sun come shining through
CharlieChaplin-smile

yes.. please.. oh no.. gosh!
multiple exclamation words i'm saying. what a day and it is has not even near the end of the day. i'm busting myself off to make my day not miserable. you know how it felt when your day starts with a rain clouds and not even a ray of sunshine shining the earth well that is the metaphor for the situation now. my day start bad and i keep on smiling and recuperate so that everything is alright and well right now the sun is shining bright and hot it burnt my tanned skin! LOL! its a joke i'm actually dark skin guy.. 
the case study for today is as you can see the title.
i have been dealing with this matter or should i say matterS regarding on that. being a bimbo or acting like one ain't going to make you popular or getting more friends but people will took you for granted and use you. wait! no ummm... i'm not saying this because i'm a bimbo and can even a guy be called a bimbo? the point is stop making your self like a puppet or a muppet or what ever it is.
numerous question bugs me like
1. why people easily took advantage of me? is it karma?2. am i so blurr so that people can do that to me?3. i'm loud and decisive but why am i become so stupid?4. i know that i'm being used but why i'm still letting myself into it?
ever encounter this problem? yeses and nos. well most of it must be a yes. taking advantage in no matter what reason AND occasion is a bad thing. don't do that to people and to myself stop judging any people PLEASE! frankly when someone says or act something in front of you don't straight away label them as this and that.
YES!
labeling someone is A CRIME for me. this labeling thingy used to be happening to me as i labelled someone or group of people and i end up being buddies and start to regret what i say and labelled them behind their backs. to ask forgiveness by saying back to them as what you said before is something that is really hard because you don't really know what will them respond.
for a person like me whom ACTUALLY really cares about what people that i'm ok with might think and act is very important to what will happen.
seriously guys!.
being matured is not actually how you react and pretending to say and be. but its how you think. thought can be fatal and can be cure. again i stressed. not by saying words and acting will make you mature but you ability to think rationally is the general weapon of maturity!.
-THE END-

create it yourself. you might win the game.

think thought and rethink.

words could not be describe by looking but doing it.. ok, that is a blab. i don't know how to work it anymore here.

its been awhile since i'm here and right now many thing had happen and endured. let me tell you life is like superlatively miserable and frustrating in fact right now i'm in a cold war with many people. first thing i learn is being in a cold war with people is rather good nor bad because it made me feel so unreliable and deteriorated.

unbelievable!

yeah yeah yeah, people will have their up and down well shut that up i know that. i'm telling you people my condition right now. see, i hope that in the upcoming event nothing is wrong. i mean with slight error. dealing with life is a a working class people is not easy people. balancing work, life, study, friends, family and :)) is hard i'm 40% sure that i am learning and organize myself with it FULLSTOP.

i want to make my writing more interesting like before and i don't think that you people is reading it with pleasure. CUT TO THE CHASE!

let me share with you what i learn currently.

1. do not fall with false alarm

2. mind your word!

3. organize yourself PLEASE!

4. stop being annoying and irritating

5 STOP MAKING ASSUMPTION 

that is it currently. all this thing i am well informed that ALL of you people knows and of course encountered it but as a gentle reminder to you people and of course myself, at that matter you are in your own pimple ready to explode. what i mean is you are 1% close to make people punch your face. guys, it ain't easy to manipulate things and what not like saying 

"i'm fine, you should not worry about me. i'm perfectly fine"

( you actually is depressed and by saying that is not going to solve it )

"i'm over it i'm moving on *smile*"

( truth is you still think and struggling not to do anything related)

come on! your trick is in the book. its lame why don't you say

"i'm thinking of cyanide or maybe bleach which one will work effectively"

(this is a serious case and people knows that you are in a deep shit)

"hey is it dawn yet? i haven't finish thinking"

( i done know how to create a sense by this. let it be there i look smart by it)

that is effective and reliable come on! be creative. hmmmmm.. now. if you are dealing with no matter what problem or stuff try to create a rule from it develop a strategy how to play it. come with various questions that might occur. that is how you i mean us deal with this. 

on top of all STOP SAYING

"i know this will happen and i'm ready to stop"

(duhh! you haven't know what is actually it then simply you are stopping yourself? pathetic!"

"i could not bear it. so much pain!!!! *sobb*"

(urggghhh!!! i feel like want to slit your throat!!)

believe that we are more than what we actually know AND STOP thinking negatively with annoying speech afterward. if you say something you want to do than DO IT! don't do it and give up the next day.

-THE END-

i sighed deeply

last night was something good and bad to me.

first thing first i will write as clear as possible for you people to understand. the reason i say it here because i want people to share the experience and also idea about what am i thinking. but the real thing that almost everyone having reading what am i saying is my motives. well i don't care much if you did not understand because i had try my best.

back to the story.

i went with my buddies yesterday. hanging out at Starbucks happy hour promotions. there are six of us but the other to went to purchase something. then i sit at a very comfortable fluffy chair and starts opening facebook and twitter just to release my tension and put myself straight. it was good at first half of the outing. then the no-so-good part came when we went for a karaoke session. we sang 24 songs and i paid most of the charges. until it come to one song that i sang. at first i only just want to sing the song because i really like that song. but until the middle part of the song it broke me apart and tear me down. i went into an emotional breakdown.

the thing is i went out with my crush in groupies of course. she ask me if i'm okay. and i told him what bothers me. later that night after we barely make it into the campus. i bbm-ed her saying that i really had a great night blablabla then all of a sudden i realize that we had gone into a really deep conversation. she asked me almost everything about me. also she always keep on mentioning that she's sick with guys that always being sweet and nice at first and such an asshole later on. i explained myself and give a view on the matter i can't help to agree with what she said about man because i know how man functions it almost typically the same. but in that typical group 3 out of 10 is the perfect guy. she just need to not to jump into conclusion very fast. meanwhile i to explain a little bit about myself to clear her perceptions on me. her perception is not that differ from other people.

"awal, you treat all women the same and there is nothing will be special to your girlfriend"

is it a crime for a guy like me to treat a women nice most of the time? i'm just working with the order of life. women should be treated nicely. i have things when it comes into treating ladies as they should be. am i the guy that badly mistreated women? i just can't seems to understand.

is commitment just a myth?

according to headings, well i would say that its getting complicated in my love relation and also my surroundings.

i mean c'mon! i'm not having a good wheel in this matter right now and the world was like mocking me like they were saying

"hey, look at us. we are happily mad in love"

or

"don't you loved it. having a meal with your loved one. it seems so....... connected"

well i don't care or maybe i'm pretending not to care. stop patronizing. it ain't cool at all. am i too involved or i am i just not capabale enough to be in the relation. i go frantic if i see one more couple mocking me saying like what i mentioned before.

for god sake am i getting paranoid. yes i promise myself not to involved in a relationship after HER until i finishes my study. the problem is i ougth to make exception that -not regretting- if i ran into a relation i'm not goint to refuse because i know that if i were to treat a women like i don't know perhaps it would be giving a false alarm to them. whatever it is my initial attention is to finish my study and get enough money than get married. but in intervals it would be nice knowing that someone is by your side.

am i getting to involved in this matter because i'm seeing this as i am taking it seriously. i have another 2 years to finish my studies and jump into the corporate work. but why is it sometimes i felt that i am a 25 years old guy keeping up with his study but don't have any career. i doesn't make sense at all. but i quoted a friend on twitter this morning. he's also having i don't know love matter or some sorts of deep relation but no lovey-dovey thingy.

 

i suggested to him that how about he plays her game while being in tact and dandy at the same times. being in tact as i define it to be very tacky and tactikle. well screw me if i'm giving advice although i'm having a relationship problem too because our case is not the same. i didn't expect he would say something like "i'm an average joe". i was startled to that resolved suddenly a flood of emotions came into me saying what i rather say smart -i think others might have used it before- and making sence. i said to him.

"c'mon bro. Superman don't wear his underwear outside without a reason"

he simply quoted me back by retweeting it and doesn't said anything back. is it a good sign or is it a bad things to said? the coversation stop there none to reply each other and i don't understand so took it as a positive action. what do you guys think?

comment in Malay is alright. just say what do you think perhaps you might have an experience. i'm just being comfortable writing in English.

look, read and know before judging

catchy isn't it. i mean the title

well here's a story i want to share and from now on i'll be posting more for the joy of my readers. i just got back from abroad and this time the experience was the most horrible from all trip that i had ever been. although it was the same place but this time the people put me in lot of patience. 

this is how

it was a great day after a long hard work, me and my sister when for a little shopping spree to pamper ourselves. blablabla to cut the story short is while we were waiting for a cab and literally we were struggling to find one because we need to compete with other passenger until the time were we got a cab and almost asked the driver came a guy out of nowhere step in the cab and shut the door strongly! how rude! i don't mind if i was the one whom got the cab but it was my sister and she's a lady! gosh! its either 2 possibilities; the guy is totally rude OR he's SUPERGAY! but then again gay people also have respects to ladies i mean c'mon! if it was in Malaysia i swear to god i would knock your groin hard!. let alone the story.

and this time is when i when to the airport to fly back home. the beg-dropping-lady is i would say 2 or 3 months pregnant and she was so cranky and perhaps crooked. its hard to tell this story but the conclusion is what i said in my mind is 

" Awal you need to stay calm and relax. you're going to be a father sooner or later"

(while rubbing my chest)

THE END

now this is the matter that i want to share with you people of what i think. i've been sitting alone listening to music as always.

watching people strolling around, sitting and doing their stuff i ponder, what is these people doing throughout their life just to finish off the day. some i can see from their physical is doing business in meeting people and also just look at the laptop screen with only god knew what is he/she is doing.

but as of for me now i'am at the state of thinking what i MUST do. my love live if waaayyyy of the grid. why? well i've been liking, liked and likes. but the thing is the relation is not in order either the person is a relation or in scandalous life. as of for that is was tagged as a player more like a Casanova. no i am not. i bet to differ because these hypothesis given by my friend isn't correct at all..

yes i am a sweet and soft talker. but it doesn't mean i use that specialty to 'trap' those people. i'm not that mean. but the real thing is i am liking a person but this person is in a relation. gosh it hurts when i have to see  status updates saying i miss you and how i love you. it hurts man! and what are we now? for me i'm a guy that waits for dreams to come true so that the person will be mine while hurting myself to the fullest. that person? hmmm.. treatment given is so sweet and made me fall in love even deeper. i think this is my biggest crush ever. i am sure of it. but then again i was told to not put hope on what i want because its only will hurt myself. i said that i'm okay but obviously lying to said those okay thing suffice to make me heart throbbed.

i had respond to the friend request but i ought to feel that this post will be read. but if it will be read then i'll be ready for what question that will be asked.

Praying to God i will not say something stupid. 

what am i gonna do!

well i don't know whether there is still actual people reading my blog. the problem maybe because of me myself. i RARELY make a new entry. so its quite left out to rot! hahaha.

Poland vs Greece yesterday was fun but not that interesting. ok cut to the chase. i actually want to share and also advice you people and also myself. right now i'm going through a rough period in which i was being soooo and veryyy indecisive. it is not good for a person like me to be indecisive because t was not cool at all. adoii. its not because i cannot made up my mind on something but there are boundaries and also thing that i s't want to risk myself like what i did previously.

at this point i'm in the process of liking 2 person at a time. they both were fun and also sweet to me. always there when i feel like shit. the problem right now that A is in Shah Alam and B is in KL. what the hell am gonna do!. for me distance is not a problem since i now live in KL with my sister but the real catch is that A if afraid being cheated and want me -if we were in relationship- to be near, to care and also to feel me. B in other hand is already in a relationship. i like B because of the maturity and openness shown by B. but then again B is in relationship!

A likes me but afraid of commitment. B is in relation but i don't know whether B likes me or not. but i really like B although we just met. i knew and my hunch says that B is different from what i've encounter.


i cannot make out my mind. i feel like crying because of my own stupidity and indecisiveness. right now accompany my ears and my hearing aid is korean love songs. sobbss..

belated sucks birthday :p

well...........

the year 2012 also i get the same 'celebration' like previous year. dull and nothing special happens.

i receive a box of holland cake tart form her. i cherish that a lot. as usual, no celebration took place. but the best thing is i got the chance to run away from my peers and also lecturers. I WAS HUNT LIKE AL-QAEDA! what the heck. treating like i'm sort of a terrorist. i have to take cover everywhere even under the stairs but then was spotted by them..

on the same date the second time of my life i knew that i shared birthday with a celebrity chef.. it's my chef teaching here in my place. he used to be in spice route and he is....

he got the cream on her face prank by his own students.. hahaha lucky i dodged them from getting creamed..

perhaps it would be a short entry to tell me dull celebration. but i was glad because there weren't any cash overflow happens.. :)

entrance of an entry

24 minutes

for this time i only have a few minutes to complete on what is bugging my mind. firstly i want to say that i am now am at a very messy stake. i don't know what am i lacking of since a fortnight ago. you know when there comes a time in which we felt that we are doing the same thing over and over again  -more like routine- until it saddens us when we realize that the on-going thingy had become a very lethargic life of yours. well that thing never happens to me.

i have felt many ways of life. from a trash person to almost-perfect-person (but it only last for a week). so, the tragic personage happens or can i say "kecelaruan identiti". do not get me wrong but when you felt that way -not the usual boring routine and things you keep on doing- you will know what am i trying to say.

18 minutes

i keep on putting myself at busy-no-time-for-fun mode but i'm afraid that the mode is so harmful for my brain in a way it might cause me head-cracks.

and after so long know that i remember that i have a blog for me to put this up so that i can share with you my dear readers as a thought that one or two of you might be experiencing the same problem as i am right now.

oh yeah.. i also wanted t brought this things up, why is that i am feeling i'm going to class not listening to lectures so that i know what to write in my final rather than feeling that i'm attending a regular talk by an academics. it came across me when i'm in TITAS class earlier today (TITAS-islamic civilization and Asia civilization). but i did not said that the lecturer whom triggered me to think that way, NO but it is me that think of that matter happens.. i try to think and divulge myself into a commonsense in which typical people would think -going to class to listen and think to create words in answering the final exam- what is the main purpose of them going to class..

12 minutes

so in the end i just realize that i have a blog (lol! takde kena mengena pon) and i end this at almost 12 minutes remaining time..

semalam aku terasa sebak

semalam aku terasa sangat terkecewa dengan diri aku. knp?? sebab semua macam dah nak berakhir dengan perkataan yang sangat membuatkan keadaan akan menjadi lebih tegang kerana tiada..

the end

moving on *tears wiped*

aaaa... what is it i'm gonna write??.. but umm.. ok.. i want to say that my final exam was screwed up.. what is the matter with the people who setup the question or is it me whom not to struggle enough.. accounting alhamdulillah aku lepas.. b-grade.. ok la for non-acCOUNTING person like me to strive.

then towards relation matters it goes wayyyy down the stream with all the junk and tiring stuff.. i mean i have been single for almost a year already and its shocking because i stayed this long. to keep it much more longer is a maybe for me because i cannot say that i will.. getting used to it but yeah, now i social a lot. not like what i used to do with myself and me this time is much more 'corporate' and westernize kinda way..

i'm going to China in few days in order to setup my sister's company and next planning perhaps going to Korea but it still in planning site..

hold up!

what is wring indeed with me exactly?

what is it like to be someone that has a crisis and a big one in his life.. like "oh you need to see the counselor or you can share it with me".. honey i've done that but the result was i end up hearing you talk about yourself and your pathetic love story.. it does not encourage me at all instead i want to kick you... i ain't here to here you smuggle me with all those stories i'm the one who should have done that to you weirdo.. like Rihanna said just gonna stand there and watch burn.. i'm burning is that what i am facing right now..

but it did not turn out to be that horrible hearing those thing because i did learn things from the story u gave me.. 

i want to find something for encouragement for me to stay 'alive' i wanted to go to the bookstore soon looking for books that will actually like the one that i bought previously to sharpen back my lingual say now i rarely speak English at all yeah i can write but when i speak i sounds like i was using standard 4 English language..

provision in this must be taken.. even reading blog also i seldom doing it. i always wanted to be surrounded with an English user people like in Shah Alam.. but yet what i want i did not get it..

i think dah sampai sini kot i ran out of words..

my resolution is what ever happens, happen

2011..

and now is the third day in 2012.

2011 kick start with a cripple left arm while in the mean time i was surrounded with the person i love and dearest the most. i'm living my new life in the second semester in TeSL. i have terrific roommates and a wholly whole new classmates. i end up to register a bit late than other people because of the accident i ran into but seriously i do look hot when i'm in it. haha.. i believe than i was a man-whore!!. lol!!.. like seriously that was a joke.

first quarter of the year is rendezvous. why? i was appointed as a director in a play which an assignment we were needed to accomplish.. i was really happy with the teammates aka classmates i have had. i was King Henry the 8th and my 'spouse' is kakak (=.=" sumbang mahram betol) she plays Queen Catherine dowager princess of Wales and also hihihihihihii... miraa (sigh with lovestruck) as an evil first-lady-in-waiting-then-a-queen Anne Boleyn. yadiyadiyada bla bla bla. in the end the play went to be 1 of the best 3 plays out of 6 plays throughout the two days of the play (as rated by us in which play miss Sally).

things are going smoothly and afiq pon ada sini dan aku pon sangat happy sebab boleh keluaq dengan lulu and also afiq. hoho.. turbulence2 here and there but i manage to survive. me and Fara Aisyah?. hmm.. turn out to be odd.. i am completely sure that all is my fault. dia ok kot korang!.. calon bini A1 tu.. like seriously.. dia hati batu (sebab aku), dia tak menangis sia-sia (sebab aku), dia 'comel' (salah dia bukan aku), dia sangat dengar cakap (takut kena bebel dengan aku #takut ke?) so on so on. ok.. now i know la that she is actually something that i should have had appreciated back then but instead dia aku bua macam tisu. cukup 6 bulan kami broke off.. kejap je dengan dia.. adehh.. tacing pulak aku ni khenn... pondan sangat uollss..

then after all of us have finishes the course we started out our own ways. living all of the nightmares and beautiful dreams forever afloat inside my mind. 2 semester had turn out to be tremendously fruitful in my anger management, decision making and also rationality. i started to bond more with myself.

i went back to penang and search for vacancy. i receive many offer from friends who had business everywhere. lastly i chose to work with TGV Cinemas at Jusco nearby. started working on the 1st April and now it almost a year i've been there. whoa!.. i thought i never survive there. as always people come and goes. tahun ni tak exciting sangat macam 2010 it turn out to be dull and dry.

mid 2011 i was elected as one of the liaison officer for the World Scholar Cup. it was a competition from many countries like UAE, China, Aussie etc etc. i met new people and learn new things like usually does. but this time the experience is different because the people below your age outside of Malaysia is much more homosapien  than -what i saw- people in Malaysia. i don't know how to explain but when you hear them talking and act they were actually more 'unprimitive' then us here. 

OH!! raya!!.. i have 3 outfit for it.. ohooohohoh.. ala2 diva gitew. of kozey la awalkhamis kena ada outfit vogehdebas yang banyak dan santik masham ituw.. hahah.. #gedik bapak.

then in September i was eligible to further my study not in TeSL or anything related to linguistic. but as a student in Bachelor in Science of Culinary Arts and Management in UiTM Pulau Pinang. i was like =.=" you gotta be kidding me. that was my last choice.. am i that dumb2 enough not to have something i like (ok i get an interview for journalism but i didn't go for it #such a waste) tapi ok la.. i thing its worth it. i can look after my mom and getting more money.. hihi.. again people comes and goes.

so lastly in 2011.

as what i have had been told, i taught people a lot but it is ought to be real because i myself did not see it.

they say i taught them ow to think, to live, and to decide but yet i did not do it. in easy way i was saying it without my conscious and i tend to forget what i have said. it is like i was possessed or something. 

as the headline is true yes. i am following the flow and also i am thinking of what have i thought before is going to be my target for this year as i turn to be 20 years old.