Am I that stupid or what?

In my whole life am I just a burden that always bring jinx all the time,

Am I just a person that destroys everything that is already perfect in line?

And is it because of me the lines always overlap,

Am I lack of confidence to face this treacherous fate,

I kept saying that I was too fragile and to indecisive,

Yes, perhaps I am,

But I don’t want it to stay there forever,

Melancholy is just like a stupid love song,

And it wasn’t supposed to be published in any single way,

But yet worm holes were found and begin everything all over again,

That bleeds again,

Why you must be like this?

Why did you do this?

Why did I felt this way?

Mixed up with everything,

I’m thinking,

That every matter that is happening right now are related to what will I decide soon,

It will be done and adapted in my way of thinking,

But,

A new thought sometimes seems not going to work

And that is also will be a ‘maybe in perhaps’

: awalkhamis :

earlythursday@rocketmail.com

Could it be the end?..

Looks like everything turns out to be not like I hoped it would be,

And most probably this is the new journey,

Denial is still in me; however it couldn’t be used,

Faith and believe in excepting and trying to re-shuffle the present for the sake of the future,

But it couldn’t be done,

The part of letting life goes is strongly persuasive in which by not holding to the sake of sins,

Unfortunately thoughts are still wisely can determine,

Telling others by these would get me a so-called support,

But do they really support me?

Kept saying they love me more or less,

But life often taught me how to be alone and emptiness of mind and heart are scattered,

Having a thought of living alone is crucially immense,

For some reasons it is very reliable,

Condolences to your own lives ain’t utterly fulfil that desire,

Fragile by the unseen cracks,

Off by the transitory of never loose hope,

And hoped can’t be used in this for god sake times,

Though it seems sad and scattered,

But at least I know what I do and what to do..

 : awalkhamis :

earlythursday@rocketmail.com

i'm a messed...

i am a mess right now... i've been kicked out from the house... and i don't know where to go without money...

there is so many shit in this situation.. because i don't know what the heck is my fault.. i am really pist off...

i feel so sad..

no determination..

no spirit..

i just can't explain how sad and disappointed i am.. because i can't explain how, what, or why... i just don't know..

what i know is i need to find a place to crash...

the story of my eternal...

this few weeks of my semester first semester break had turned out wrong and perhaps good...


why???


because.. i need to re-construct some stuffs given by my sister to me for her company... and i was like... kakak.. too much la dear... and in a mean while i need to go and help my brother-in-law with his palm tree farm for clearance.. mcm membersihkan pokok2 renek yg dekat2 pokok sawit 2 la... betapa sedihnya aq bila aq balik untuk amek muet ari ni kt penang, most of the villagers said that..


' oii... awat ngan meghelit sgt ni???.... hg buat apa??..'
'segaknya anak kak yam ni.... tapi syg... kulit sikit hangus..'


kuajaq!!!.... aq rasa mcm nk p bakaq ja uma org yg kata kt aq.... so aq terpksa tahan telinga n bersabar dgn hya mmpu tersenyum simpul... sbb kampung org suma aq ni budak yg low-profile... tp aq ni lebih3 plak low dy.... smpi uma penghulu pown aq xtaw,... n yess.... AQ XTAW... aq besaq pown bukan sbb penghulu 2 pown... hahaha


for my mind now i have never felt this clear for last couple of months.. betoll la aq ase aq ni dah moved on... huhuhu.... amat lah terkilan merasai perubahan ini... *shed tears like diva dpt award*..


oo yeah.... smlm time aq otw nak balik penang in the same  bus there was this one aunty yg ntah,,... perhaps ramah kowt.... hahah.... tp aq ase mcm loser j... hahaha... masuk2 ty sit ni kosong x... obviously tmpt yg dy nk dudok 2 xdew org... n most of the time in that bus people will take free-sits.. aq pown dgn comel nya ckap lah... 'ntah.... dudok j la duloo.. kalu adew org nk dudok bgon ler opah oii...'... hahaha... idok nye aq jawap ghope itu... sopan j... aq geleng j.... hahaha... then dy start buat ramah.,... sembang2... idm about that.. tp yg dy sembangkan pasal org.... mle2 nada dy mcm kesian... tp da lme2 aq dgr citew dy mcm nk aibkan... aq tros pndng tmpt laen n buat bodoh... then dy g cte plak kat lady yg kt sblh dy plak... aq mcm... OMG!!... makcik... dulu nk keje nk jd broadcaster xjd ea.... uurrrggghhh...... hahah


mcm3 ragam org kan... nk dkt2 kiamat ni.... haha..... aq nk tegelak pown adew gak... and this one time i said to my fren... we were arguing about something and aq bengang nan dy.... aq memaen aq kte aq dah bawu ketiak dy da mcm bawu ikan masin... then dy mecok.. ktenye... elloww aq xmndi pown aq bawu wangi okeyyy..... aq hangen aq bidah blik aq kate... 


'ko gi cari kucing.... dudok ckap depan dy sampai dy paham then baru ko dtg cari aq ckap dgn aq psl 2...' hahahaha.... bes gle.... sampai bilew pown kucing 2 xpaham... and kalu dy buat gak... mmg adew reserve katil kosong dekat hospital bahagia tanjung rambutan... hahaha.....

i'll be away for a period of time...

due to some causes...

me rite now..

im addicted for love... love from my love ones... were are they... my precious....

some say patient is a very good thing in making you stronger.. i used to not to believed in it... but then i discover something that is not vulnerable anymore... something strong... and i know i have to believe in it... and now i am being patient.. i hope it can stand for a long period of  time.. before im not a cooling and let it go person... now im starting to learn it... cz i knew... i will faced it soon.. better i learn it now... and it is a bless.. and im still stressing this..... soon you will know and learn it... everyone will faced what are you facing.. and its all depends on time our own life and well-being.. and it is trustworthy...

im addicted for love... love from my love ones... were are they... my precious....

i felt so not good....

im not that good in being alone... i must always need a person that is always be by my side.... i need to be cherished... that's all... but i easily got bored...

MIMING 'WAKA-WAKA' - Shakira

suka3!!!.... hhahahahaha cikgu shida rox!!!

MIMING Jahat (Stacy)

hahahaha lawak syialll

bodoh betol org zaman skrg ni kan..

cikgu shida is not that bad... she's just a simple person that maybe releasing her tension in that kind of way... we have our own kind of do so... hahaha/....

i just think that she is cool and adorable... and yong... i think people are not paranoid..

THEY ARE STUPID... because they don't even think out of the box by which it were just for fun and entertaining.. and i'll bet anyone that she had already think about posting it over and over again... ok maybe org akan kte...

'agk2 r.. dy 2 pompuan.. cikgu plak 2'...

try to think la... SHE HAS THINK ABOUT IT PEOPLE...

mesti2 dah fikir... ok what... its not a big deal.. better than ORG2 MELAYU yg post video rogol or sex yg dorg bangge2 sgtkn 2... yg 2 xpe plak.... bullshit la... c'mon... don't be a fool.. bende yg sex2 ni ske plak... siap simpan buat collection... so that dorg boleh try stail and pose baru... bangang an... haisshhh.... 

nak cakap org tgk la kitew duloo... bukan bagos sgt pown...

my fellow frens..

if you have a problems.. how do you confront it??

we have our own style to overcome the matter..

hmmm... but that is not the point... the point is i just want to say that people need to really rely on something to make us have the courage to be back on track..

as for me.. in all my problems lately... i mean in past few weeks... i'll say..

i won't let a small thing jeopardizes my life because it is just like a small dot on a large piece of paper.. and everytime i think about that phrase i apparently can think and pulled things out... hmmmm... 

so in the end.. to reconquer that world that is used to be perfect.. one need to think of what and how it can be sustained by not to stained of anything...

perhaps people will say...

'hey pokcik kudin... your grammar is off..'

i will say... 

stick your head to it and read with your soul my son..'

i don't want to see you ever again!!!!...

stupid!!!... benci3!!!.... till the end of timee!!!.... 


ummmm... actually xde pape pown... its jus i wanna say im on my way to ma hometown.. in 45 minutes when i post this.... huhuhu.... will be back in 5-6 weeks