hatred, lies and jealousy

*deep sigh*

in the middle of almost -going to be- adolescent i had learn many things and most of the thing is learn is from my surrounding and people.. i am missing and all the good stuff that i endure.. trying to collapse my ego to the lowest part as it can be.. but i don't know is it progressing or not..

am i a big ego?? i would say yes and now indeed.. but in my egoistic attitude, i can still accept people advice, point of view and opinion.. is it good to have ego.. with this ego also i had loss many things and people in my life that i don't know someday will be a really great memoirs in my head.. to have that kind of paradigm in life is such a treasure..

referring to the title, all that is mentioned is a negative and provoke-able in doing and saying something foolish.. to be true -halfway of this writing i don't know where does it will going to- i wrote this in many feelings and a mixing memories..

or

this thing can be really a liability in life - take a gun and shoot your head with it- so that you can achieve many thing in life... saying that this might be true.. so do please say is it going to be a liability or an edge to something new..

flush it out man.. be strong with it.. for the mention you will be.. don't just say though you are... prove it... i know many of you dear readers also have this kind of feeling how did you guys cope with it.. cause to say it nicely i'm struggling with this..





p/s: friend, i know you will read this.. just so you know that i really care about you.. i know you are something special.. i'm a fool to let you go or trying to let you go..

you guys are brilliant.. keep it up

there are times in my life that i wish that time will stop so that i can precious the moment that is going through more severely immense in me..

having memories that is most valuable is cunningly divine..

heart, mind and soul need to be one in endearing something that is.. so.. what does it relate to my writing.. well firstly, before my laptop was stolen fortnight ago i am writing a novel which is halfway through and i forgot to make a copy of it and lots of other things.. i let the thief run along with my stuff because sometimes we can't prevent these things to happen -take cautions- in moment we didn't even think off..

most people don't know that i wrote novels, short-stories and poems.. i didn't revealed it cause i'm not that confident enough to show my writing to people.. for only people that i think i can make do with i gave them read it.. nevertheless  is the passion in writing.. passion in writing can actually develop your mind from being under the weather to be out of the box..

i am self assured that the process of thinking come from the senses we have.. by watching, hearing, touching.. the stimuli given to the brain make us think and develop new idea from it..

in example of blogging.. we express our thoughts and feeling.. some make it a diary, some make it a companion.. nevermind what you guys do as long as you have the interest of writing.. i have many so called amature writers which is my friends.. brilliant things -sometimes they do- written and to be frank i most follow blogs that i would say their words and writing is amazing like yong sofea, aqida, rauf, melle and etc that is more to be mentioned now.. i may not know other brilliant writers.. but the one that i've gotten and followed is much mesmerize and refreshing food-for-thought..

so anyone that have blog whom follow my blog.. don't hesitate to give me your link or even tumblr or anything that is in reading style.. 

wahh!!!... heavynya posting aku kali ni.. my intention of giving lite reading to you guys but when i read it become heavy.. sorry guys.. tapi ni la aku nak cakap... kalau korang ada idea apa-apa yang terlintas difikiran terus jot it down on a parchment or notes app on your phone or anywhere so that you can save it and say something about it..

sebab ilmu yang dikongsi dengan orang lain akan lebih bernilai dan bertambah.. jangan malu untuk menulis apa yang terlintas difikiran anda kerana tiada siapa dapat halang anda dari berbuat demikian.. semua telah dibenarkan dalam perlembagaan article 10 -freedom of speech- namun kemudahan yang diberi janganlah disalahgunakan yang bermaksud menulis sesuatu yang tidak releven dan tak dapat mencetuskan susah pada diri sendiri..

dengan itu.. berfikirlah dahulu sebelum menulis apa-apa... jangan terlalu mengikut kata orang

"ehh suka aku la nak tulis apa.. ada aku kacau kau ke??"

"kisah pulak akukan kau nak bunyi2.. mampus aku laa.."

amalan ini tidak baik sebab ia menunjukkan betapa egonya anda untuk tidak menerima pandangan orang lain..

jawaplah dengan jawapan yang sopan dan tidak menyakitkan hati mana-mana orang.

"aku tulis apa yang aku rasa.. maafkan aku kalau kau sakit hati.. boikot la kalau kau mahu"

"aku cuba untuk kongsi apa yang aku tahu dan apa yang fikirkan.. tu saja"

sopankan.. ngee~!

i hate u till i die..

aku memang tidak akan percaya dan sayang kau lagi sampai bila.. sebab kau lah aku sanggup jadi macam ni.. sial!!!.  

caption kena striking and controversial baru la ade orang minat.. hihi... semua tu cuma rekaan.. jangan salah faham 

the longing that i've been waiting is mostly perfect to determine who i am in the future and i can accept that now from the time that i have trouble to face it.. 

i officially said that i'll be pursuing my study in

"Bachelor of science (hons.) in Culinary Arts and Managements"

at first when i receive this deceiving fact i was like "What?????!!" so tak apa-apalah.. i know i'll be fine.. kalau aku tak suka mesti aku tak pilih on the first place.. so let it be.. siapa nak makan free sediakan bahan aku akan masak untuk korang.. hihi... tapi kena la buat appointment dulu.. haha. chewahh...

dua cerita aku nak kongsi dengan korang semua... yang pertama pasal security guard dekat shopping mall yang aku kerja ni... haaaaaaaiiiiihhh....

they were so ANNOYING!!!...

story goes like this.. on every each days, my manager will gave them a copy of our daily shows start and end time... tapi... dorang ni sangat rajin yang teramat sangat... on everyday dorang akan naik kat tempat kerja aku dan tanya..

Security Guard 1 (SG1)

dek.. masuk last pukul berapa.. habes pukul berapa.. abang nak yang start dari pukul 10pm masuk dan keluar dalam jam yang sama... lepas tu jam lain..

so aku mula-mula dengan perasaan ikhlas layan la encik ni... tapi pakgad ni dengan muka bodohnya berkata dia tak faham apa yang aku terangkan.. ape ke pekak dan lembabnya otak pakgad tu... aku dah terangkan sgt detail... bukan aku cakap bahasa tamil atau urdu dgn dia... BAHASA MALAYSIA OKAY... so mood marah 2.0 mula naiklah... aku terang sekali lagi... lepas aku terangkan aku bertanya..

AwalKhamis

kami  bukan dah hantar ke jadual harian show dekat security department

SG1

alahh.... bukan sama pon dengan yang dekat sini

AwalKhamis

*senyum plastik, tangan cengkam mouse, hati !@%$!@$%*^... ohh yekee... *nada diplomatik* tapi kan bang.. bila kami dah hantar daily showtime.. mesti la sama apa yang department abang dapat...

SG1

lain... tak sama pon...

aku dengan perasaan marahnya beredar bila pakgad tu berambus... aku ke belakang dan menyumpah seranah pakgad2 yang datang tanya.. ya mungkin bukan salah mereka.. apa salahnya kalau kau tengok dan update diri kau untuk tengok notice board.. sangat MENJENGKELKAN... lagi jengkel dari chatbox fb yang baru.. ye mungkin korang akan cakap.....

kawan 32

alaahh awal.. kau ni... cakap je laa... bukan kau rugi pape pon... kau kata bazir air liur... pegi la belakang minum air..

kawan546

kau ni garang sangat.. cuba kawal sikit api amarah kau tu..

masalahnye.... hari hari diorang datang tanya benda yang sama benda yang kami dan yang datangya bukan 1 kadang kadang tu 2 3 orang, ape hal!!.. bukan menghina tapi tawu la korang tu badan + size.. tapi jangan seksa kami sampai berkali-kali.. sudah la customer pon agak dapat yang stok2 kena cakap 5 6 belas kali baru paham.. ni nak bagi korang pulak pahamm.. memang mintak lesing r..

ni lagi satu kes yang aku musykil.. does Malaysian people is that lazy to read... because why guys... it's actually most tragic when people had give most everything to them for mutual convenient

story is like this.. dekat exit door yang akan digunakan oleh customer untuk keluar telah ditampal perkataan

"EXIT DOOR PUSH"

so as an evidence to believe that people is lazy to read is when they actually look only at the door hence seeing the door is close they use the entrance which is side by side.. an isle had been made for them to actually walk down straight through the exit door... what for the isle is made is the door is closed.. keje gile ape.. kalau macam tu.. memang sah2 la salah management... nak kata buta perut, belajar pepandai.. nak kata buta, pakai contact lens sampai nak terkeluar dari mata.. ape ke susahnya... macam2 ler... padahal benda ni memang common thing yang kadang2 tu kita sendiri tak perasan.. and yes self also need to take note the thing but tak kan la kemudahan yang orang dah bagi tu tak tahu nak guna.. orang dah senangkan kerja... saja nak turun tangga buka blockade yang kami buat guna barrel menyusahkan diri.. susah betoll...

Malaysian and also myself... please help yourself to ease people work.. we are not dumbass.. we are one of the developing country... wake up people... kalau makcik jual goreng pisang boleh pakai blackberry, abang jual air tebu pakai iPhone dengan tetapan bahasa inggeris boleh maju dan paham.. takkan benda mudah tak dapat ikut..

helloyellow..

first of all peeps i hate yellow... secondly i use it cause it rhymes.. thirdly i totally hate yellow..

it had been awhile since i wrote something and this time i don't want to make a bumpy-feeling-post-with-many-things-to-digest...

now i'm saying and i want to talk about being skeptical. in this mean my skeptical is about having only 1 define on something... sejak kebelakangan ni bila kawan-kawan dah mula buat aku rasa terasing ni aku mula berfikir.. sebab i would cry for friends thinking of friends would despite in me.. yes.. i may not say or do good things to people.. but i do very well knew when i do so i am sincere doing it.. so what does it about being skeptical.. as for i know i need to think it positively though i know its a lie

aku bukan nak buat post sedih tapi memang.. i do value a lot in friendship... bila aku dah anggap orang tu  is something special in me.. i'll start to care, i'll start to deceive stuff.. but there is limits on that... put aside being betrayed and left rotten on the sidewalk nevertheless dry with nothing.. but just say though i am... why must i be treated like that...

i do have people that i endear so much..

i don't want my morning to start with cloudy and cold day.. and if it does happen i'm hoping for these people to be with me..

jauhkan aku dari api neraka wahai ibu..

perihal ibuku yang amat cool.. hahaha.. mak aku ni kengkadang dia lawak. kengkadang dia ni garang.. macam macam perangai dia aku tak dapat nak agak.. haha.. at this moment dia tengah makan durian dengan sepupu aku... yuckks!!.. i'm allergic to it.. i can't stand the smell of that awful fruit even the texture makes me shiver... *gigilgigil*..

now let me tell you something that i want to tell you guys.. haha.. the whole agenda is actually about a template picture on her new phone.. its so hilarious.. she was caressing her new phone until at that wallpaper template part..

Ibu:

adeq.. macam mana nak buang gambar yang ada dekat depan ni deq?? buat sat.. mak rimas laa.. dah la tak menarik perhatian..

AwalKhamis:

gambaq apa mak?? mak ni... kacau adeq memalam sikit boleh.. tengah sibuk  membalut badan ni.. dah la tengah hujan renyai2.. Ahhhhhh~~~

Ibu:

bangun la deq.. sat gi hang dah nak pi kerja dah.. dah jam berapa hang tak bangun lagi ni...

AwalKhamis:

mak pagi ni tak rock laa.. bagi la adeq tidoq sat... halaaaa.. tolong la faham keperluan semasa adeq..

soo.. mak aku pun berlalu lah kata-katanya tanpa sebarang bicara dan amarah.. hanya berdiam dan tangannya laju menekan pepunat yang ada pada telefon bembhet nya itu.. then after 15 minutes.. mak aku datang kembali menghantui aku..

Ibu:

adeq.. tolong laa mak jap.. padam sat benda ni... hudohh laa...

AwalKhamis:

halaa.. hmm.. mak nak padam yee.. senang je mak... mak sebot PADAM kat skrin tu.. pastu padam la dia..

mak aku yang terlalu naive pagi tu tanpa berfikir.. mak aku pun sebut PADAM dekat skrin telefon dia tu.. aku yang mendengari kata-katanya berbaur jenaka itu terus berpaling menglihat wajah ibuku yang blur setelah menyebut PADAM...

haaa... tunggu lagi!!... Laugh-Out-Loud laa.. hape lagi.. sangat lawak.. time tu kazen aku tengah mandi dan terdengar perbualan kami... dia pun tumpang la sekaki gelak.. tak pasal2 mak aku jadi bahan malam tu.. tu satu kes.. banyak lagi kes yang menggelikan hati aku menyakat mak aku.. tapi ni yang paling dahsyat... kesian mak aku ni.. aku tak bermaksud nak cakap macam tu dan aku tak sangka mak aku akan sebut benda tu..

me mom and me step pa..

hoo you need to settle-down honey

tell me is it yesterday or way down the timeline that the drama in life had exist.. yes.. it exist since the existence of Adam and Eve.. like we have to take lesson on their tragedy... so basically that is life.. the wonderful of life and the dark days of it.. a wonderful life is all we ever dreamt of.. but no life is not going to be wonderful all the time..

you will feel like your existence won't get any better , nothing on contribution , you feel like you should die rather than wasting more time and commits more sins , nothing miracle will happen..

remember.. i'm giving advice to you guys and myself that what ever errands you ran into or fell into.. there is something better at the other side of the tunnel.. don't think that things happen cause you are so stupid in making decisions or maybe saying..

"ohh i should've done this instead of saying that"

OR

"what am i doing, giving such assumption and says that to that person"

yes.. you might have said -just a little bit out of your intention-  things that you thing that its necessary after coping with it for a period of time.. you think that you says something that you should have said a long time ago.. there is good and bad results you have to endure..

life is short and we might not have experience what other people had experience in their life because said by Tom Hanks in 'Forest Gump' -life is like a box of chocolate and you never knew what you'll get next- many philosophical postings, writing from any time of learning is done and this is one of it..

so learn from other people's life because you know that you maybe not going to experience what had had or have had your friends experience.. to learn it from them is one of the chapter completion in life theoretically not hypothetically.. 

i'm posting this for all of you to read and to learn from it.. i'm also posting this is for myself and to ease myself from the worldly matter that i had blind into... don't get blinded by the sign given.. read it through...

be sincere to everyone.. don't lie.. if you think that its time for the ending just say it.. don't hold up.. be brave and it does take times to recover.. but recovering is better than wasting its time..

if life is like Photoshop..........

aahhhh... how wonderful if life is like photoshop.. you can actually edit most of the flaws so that your picture will look good.. and frankly i am really don't know what to write in here but my mind keep buggling saying :

"Awal.. you must blog.. for the survival of you brain.. or else you'll become like The Grinch"

and here i am... well lately i've been compliance with my own rules and decision.. i are have many rules to follow and it didn't back stabbed me... cz i designed it and i alone can redesigned it according to situation.. hell yeah!!!..

an official declaration that I.. AwalKhamis of the Awesomeness® just started using Twitter.. haha.. so what the heck.. i had signed up for nearly 6 month.. seeing it on my 'most visited' at my chrome (previously used by IzzulsyfqMazlan) make me wonder.. s my account does still exist.. and BAMM!!... it does.. how cool is that.. and me felt like me sucks... i no sucks... i'm LEGENDARY..... cz you see.. the people whom met me will put this commencing reply from them..

"Ohh Awal you're so funny.. you make me cry"

(of coz it would have gone in the other way around... duhh...)

"you're weird man... how do live in this world"

(the hell with you niggah.. i try to keep it down son)

"hahaha... you're hilariously interesting man wonder what will happen next"

(i'm gonna bust you in your face.. what so interesting about me)

yeahh.. i know that i have a very 'stunning' set of hair and appearance that kept people to stare down at me even when i'm yawning.. seriously man.. what's with you guys.. the judgement is to cold man... me sad  :'(

so yes.. partly of all their comments i don't care and some i do care.. I WANT ANSWERS PEOPLE!!.. (settling down)I don't have much to say.. but i wonder..

our Malaysian politics has it turbulence moment and now is one of the time.. the 'clean' gathering... what the hell is that... i don't watch tv anymore.. it have been nearly 2 month and i don't know the real situation.. i usually get the update a week or more about current issue.. AwalKhamis of the Awesomeness® will not get back of current issue.. he must know for the continuation of his life...

please people... show me some love will ya... do say good things about me... i 'love' you guys who says nice things sarcastically in Facebook.. wait till i get my fist down your throat... 

The End..

p/s: I feel lots of negative energy in this post... sorry minions i'm a good guy...^_^v