either love or oath??

we often see trends of on and off relations... even my brother do that... what is the best being in relation and then you end-up break-up.... and the funny thing is.. the relation is only for less than 1 month.. i was like... are you guys serious..

I myself was not a good 'husband' either.. its just my luck to have a 'wife' which her face like a wall and her heart like a barbarian.. =)..

let me tell my experience... my longest relation is only can be hold only for 2 years... and we broke up because we don't have the sparks anymore.. when i try to put sparks... my ex know and get the hints but she end-up being slightly BLURR.. and i was like... did she notice what i want... pfftt =.="..

on every of my relation i'm in different 'mode'

i used to be:

mat bunga

mat jiwang

mat blues

mat mampuih p kat hg

currently

mat hati kering tanpa perasaan yg awek dy 2 dah meraung mcm org hilang laki hilang harta... HAHA...

sbb mcm suka j jd mcm 2... hahaha

and i know that she don't like it... but i have my reasons... so that she will never:

thinking something that is delirious

too obsessed with her own thought

being to shallow

crying with purple tears... huhuhu...

ataupun aq saje nk dy marah aq...(nakalkan hihi)

well leave that aside... i'm not going to tell you guys my lovestory... hahah.. but what i wanna stress here is that people nowadays were in relations... yess we obviously know that... but is it base on oath(sumpahjanjisehidupsematiterjunbangunankapallahbagaisayanakkahwindenganawaknakadewanakdenganawakdansebagainya) or are they or WE really love that person dearly...

i often asked myself did i love her based on oath or love.. hmmm... if about oath.... i think i've made one... but that is not why i'm 'engaged' to her... haha.... hmmm.... it's me whom know the answer... (hilang garang r beb)

so how about you guys???

=.="

this entry should first so before i forget and the thought i wanted to shared flew away let me put this puzzle back..

to know and 'digest something or even anything we need knowledge about some particular things... for example if you wanna bath you must know how to open the tap.. if you don't know how to do so... u'll not be able to take your bath..

in this case.. read this first :

org yg kite suke x tentu akan syg kite mcmane kite syg die, tp org yg syg kite selalu ade untuk kite walaupon kite lg focus kat org yg kite suke..;p so, tentukan mane satu org yg syg kite and mane satu yg kite terkejar2...

believe me,u can't have both... AND BELIEVE ME!!! HILANG ORG YG SYG KITE JAUH LAGI SAKIT DR HILANG ORG YANG KITE SUKE!!!

what did you guys understand about this???...

fro me.. what i know from the inner sight is... to love someone, get to know the person that likes and loves you.. both are different and should have a contradictions on it LIKES and LOVES..

LIKES

for me 'likes' is an adjective word for love in which means love is something that you can feel.. unlike likes... you can say you like FRANK LAMPARD for instance.. it doesn't mean that you loved him as if in the context where you need a commitment and care... and please be rationally fits when it comes how to differentiates love as it should be and it must be... you get what i mean??... well if you don't you can read it again.. and likes is not a 'root word' of love... it's a 'root word' for a phase of liking something..

LOVES

loves.. hmm... well actually love is a very wide and broad word with different kind of interpretations of the word... but most mentality in the world would say that love is about marriage, sex, commitments, money and all that.. but did you realized that from all that it is actually not what is love would meant to be... it most probably can be classify as new phase and beginning in life... as for me.. love is something sacred and could not be understand in just 1 perspective.. there's a way to determine love as your own... but it does take a lot of time...

so as a conclusion... hence, maybe some of you guys son't really see where is this post actually drives you in.. what i mean is... to love and like somebody you need to know the person that loves and likes you... look on their signals... like their gestures, treatments, talks, and eye-contacts.. there are hint went somebody likes or loves you.... try on...

p/s:

the person that loves you doesn't mean he likes you

the person that likes you doesn't mean he loves you

the person that you like doesn't mean you love him

the person that you love doesn't mean you like him

try to think... its a bit tricky though... because these stuffs did affect our lives wherever and whenever..

let try this out..

*deep sigh*

i've been a jerk lately.. like everyone around me knows about it.. but no i don't mean it but seriously i mean it.. haha..

well.. to get over it i have a major break-down recently were i was crushed into pieces like an ice-cube.. pfftt.. and that put shu, farris, izwan, and few people that i don't know cz i do 'laughing'-out-loud.. then i moved to .. ok lets not tell the whole story will ya??.. thank you guys for being my hugging-bear-to-cry.

what i want to say here is being a jerk is cool.. i mean really cool.. but in most time being a jerk won't work-out.. so if you want to be a jerk and still would want it to work.. try to think something bizarre that a normal and typical jerk don't do.. and that is an advice..

and rite now i am putting back my brunt using self-adhesive that this time will make me a cold-hearted and untouchable with peoples action..

what the heck.. ok.. i get you.. so if you want to back-off for something that you say you can't tell me perhaps maybe because of your taboo and stuff well be my guest.. i don't mind anymore.. although im still in recovery mode but what the heck.. i know i can faced it and stand proudly on my own achievement and ability and not by your pitifulness on me.. back on the past yes you might pity me mercifully but now i assure you that now the dog-gone-days are over.. this time around you are the one who will craving for me.. my will is my power..

what i will do is what you will felt impaired with:

- jaws dropping down

- eyes-popping-out

- head turning

- body shaking

with full of JEALOUSY!!

i marked my word this time.. and this post is most likely related to you.. the person that...... i don't want to spoil the surprise here.. if i did tell you guys about it... it will blow all the things that i have been keeping out... and seriously...

THIS ISN'T GAY!.. (fuck la sapa yg suka dok cop aq ni GAY!!)

try to put me down this time you will get it hard.. i've been living in a world of pain and the pain that lure me is something which is very tough and indestructible (cewahh~~).. hmmm...

dah letih la dgn benda ni sume..

i keep my word... you'll looked up on me... high above the sky.. although i need to struggle to be 'there' but seriously it's you whom put me in this kinda avenging state..

haha... i'm a person that smiles and jokes around a lot.. but if messed around just slightly mistakes of tinee-tiny words.. you will get burn by my words...

i hope everyone read this i hope YOU read this...

is it my turn??

the bass ocean is turbulent,

idea on stuff that is settle is still on the go,

but i have been doing the best i cloud,

for you i would,

though u are going away,

you came but you sway,

and when you came i feel happy,

but my happiness was just in my own imaginary,

are you having a preclusion,

if yes, maybe the nature of the illusion,

or maybe it's not an illusion,

hullaballoo~~~

the weeks of being here in Shah Alam is so fascinating because i have many things to do... hahah 

free title, musical, and islamic educations short stories =.=" (since when)

the exercise and routine for my musical was awesome although not as cute or butt-heating like others.. hahah but what the heck... like it though...

somethings are not going well..

somethings are not going well still not going well..

somethings that i haven't done in a LONG time i've did it again..

somethings that i never think i would done i've done it..

somethings that i try to think of  is it gotta have something to do with me or not is unanswered..

i do felt fade-up with it.. so numb when i think of it... thanks to the lights i'm still standing although i'm being plastic.. hahaha...

i've done many stupid things this past 3 weeks... and i done it back somethings that i've been living for a long time.. i don't know what to say.. i might want to say something but people will be oblivious.. i will not post it until this one day.. when the time has come i will do it... right now it is not appropriate.. hmmmm...

the wheel is still spinning.. whether it will kantoi... or not...

something is fragile....

in my dreams i always see you soar above the sky,

i keep the part of you with me,

there you'll be..

here we are,

on my roof,

dark and it burn.

cold case love,

and i let you reach me one more time..

i must put this up or else..

I've been in a misery despite all of the fun that i have,... there is something that i kept with this joyful face and 'puaka'ing attitude...

I'm so trashed.... its overloaded and still loading..

how can we moved on to a better life when there is a news that we got that can put us to death..

how can we moved on to a better life if something precious is lost..

how can we moved on to a better life so that we can continue what are we good at is now gone..

how can we moved on to a better life whose valuable is pulled out..

and to recover it is not like giving a candy to a little child... it took a years to cur it like a cancer...

huhh.. (deep sigh)

im back!!...

omg!!.. it have been a while i hadn't update my blog... Gosh!!...

there is something happen to me... i've been invited to an event like no other.. =.="... and why i didn't update my blog is because of:

• lettey....
• single-handed typing...
• no time for own leisure (yeye j)...
• hatred...
• mengantuk!~~~...

hooo..... but i don't think that it's the main problem....xkuase, mak penat nokss busy(zackie's word)... but this is the real story...

firstly,

I WAS INVITED TO AN ACCIDENT.... and it was so whore-riffic!!

time : 12.30p.m

date : 15/11/2010

venue : sungai bogak, bagan serai, perak.. (kalo bodoh sgt google)

partner : HIS MOM!!

we were riding a motorcycle and we were actually on our way back to penang from my sister house at taiping... due to some occasion (naek court bayar saman... *bajet tanak bg tawu*)...

me : mak.. nak balik jalan mna ni??

mom : umm... mak teghingin nak makan kt bagan serai... mak makan dgn ba hari tue sedap.. ikut jalan lamalah

lalalalala~~~ of we go to the restaurant my mom would want to go....

arriving at that destination...

me : kedai tutup la mak.... gu mana nie??

mom : xpa la.. kita balik makan megi j la kt ghumah...

me : yayy!!!... megi!!.... ^_^

mom : adeq masak..

me : yayy!!... =.="

lalalalala~~~ of we go taking our journey back to penang..

at the tragic scene...

BAMMM!!!....

~~ My mom ~~

~~ My son ~~

and we got a souvenir for the event..

this is my 'gift'

this is mom's 'gift'

and i was like *pfftt*...

ok.... frankly i like this because it gave me a new experience in getting my hand plated with metal.. but there is also something that i don't like when i recap or having flashback...

but the best part is..... muahahahaha..... KAKAK2 PRACTICAL KAT HOSPITAL SUME 'MESRA' DENGAN AQ... HOHOHO..... suke2 (=^_^=)..

*sory syg... i can't help it...

as i was aware that the meranti's registration is on the 22/11/2010.... i need to be mentally stable and not to freak out because i cant really be there on time... and i decided to go back to shah alam on the 25/11/2010.. and by the help of my allies i manage to pull a 'scam' on someone.. and i missed my bloods dearly.. especially along.. but in the end i got a BARBARIAN SLAP and a THAI KICK for pulling the 'joke'.. ok.... the kick is only exaggeration.. she's not that high to do so... i still have my 'armor' to protect me... activate... TANGAN BESI!!!..

hahahah..... that was the first part of being slapped =.="

xsedor ke diri dengan handicapnye.... sempat lagi menggila.... macam org normal... oii jantan... ko tu handicap... buat la cara handicap.... haddoii yaiyy!!...

intec's library with dini's shawl yg agak busok!!..

sempat menggatal dalam hujan...

gatal kan pelok2 aq... hahaha...

*soryy... namaw cubit nahh... O:-)

yang penting.... sempat uolls pegi menjalang kat tgk Natrah kat is istana budaya... photoshoot jgn ckp la...... adew j yg nk amek gambaq dgn aq.... letteyy...

sesi meng'gewdix' with farah wazer and sue

arriving at Istana Budaya and org yg berjaya dress-up

(miss sally tanak kalah taw.. hehe~~)

mike freaks me out

maya karin!!!... aaaaaa!!!!...

remy ishak...... ummm.... aaa... mmmm maybe...

umie aida uollss... old time diva..

 adew jugak candid deme 2 org ni haa.... mumu btol... hahah

in the end aq dgn zackie gak mcm paris hilton and kim kardashian.. hohoho

2 days after that... boleh plak g menggedik menari2 tarian 1 malaysia dekat dataran merdeka.. dengan handicapnye boleh menari 9 tarian... 9 uollss.... hahahahaha....

arriving BEFORE 6 AM!!... dedicate taw.. hahaha

sebelom event bermula..

antara budak tesl yg wujud la... mls nk list sume... hohoho...

me and syidah

jalangnity of the jalangness

ble athir dah menggedikk...

athir dan mak ayam berbaju purple.... dy yg jd instructor... hohoh

i took this picture.... artistic sgt uollss

me and one of the hotstuff.. irfa

hahahaha.... amenn... hohoho....

sbnrnya aq ni mcm nk tanak j hahaha..... xuplod nnt kne hancor... hooo

masculine guy derr..

in the end of the dance is....

tapak yg tertinggal hahaha...

zackie yg amat bedikasi hingga kasut pown tercabot... hahaha

esoknye pulakk class photo..... hape lg aq.... mngambil kesempatan dgn baeknya.... muka yg ko nk tgk mcm disebelah kiri ni ye... haha

PI020(2D)

kinky shooter... hohoho

zackie and his style uollss... takott.... hahaha

overall is...

all the invitations are really cramping me out... hohoho.....

hahaha... hamekk!!!....

u want sumthing unpredictable!!??...

hamekk...

u got it!!!...

terkebil3 kaw... hahahaha

sejuk la...

kebas la bagai...

hahahahha.....

kelako giller... hahahaha....

kejadian yg berlaku dgn amat pantas.... dan aq mmg btol3 pasti... bukan kerna terpaksa.. namun sudah sampai masa... aq telah memikirkan perkara ini... dan nah!!!....

TERJADI!!.... AQ POWN MSIH BELOM DPT NK PERCAYA.... hahahahah

Is this me??

While I sat by the beach feeling the monsoon breeze pampering and blowing hardly to my skin,

I felt it is just a wonder that couldn’t be taken away by anything…

Watching the glimmering city lights…

Hearing the sea water breaching the steadiness of the beach making it a blissful chain in which nature was nurturing it…

Since that starry nights painted on the sky is so fascinating…

Nothing could make it more interesting than sitting and enjoying the nature which is the only thing that would want to pamper you…

This is like a treatment for me…

One thing that’s truly perfect to blow away all the incompletes created by me through the breeze…

Breathing by following the rhythm of the sound give me the benefit…

Whereby my thoughts are clear with no rigid decision…

Thinking the impossibilities through the possibilities with straight mind and consciousness…

This is a getaway given like a blessing for me and I wouldn’t want it any other way… nature is a good teacher by searching them with pure heart…

: awalkhamis :

earlythursday@rocketmail.com

Will it be?

Perfection for a calm and full of wisdom scenery...

Nothing could be wrong by watching it using bear eyes,

But yet many lies and unfortunate story were carved on it,

Strong hold like the mountain high,

Sunny, dry, rainy, typhoon, tornado,

No matter what weather crash on it, it stood still with pride without prejudice,

Can this be me?

A hard strong-hold person living that could bear any ‘bad weather’

Sadly I’m not; I’m shaky, easily going under depression,

I just don’t know what to do,

But just to follow the will of time and fate that had been destined for me,

How am I going to evacuate myself from this sober?

Perfectly sucked in the addiction of misery,

Would there will be a slightly commiseration for me?

For me to feel ease and relief that I had received a mutual things in goodness,

Thoughts of knocking the heavens door are urged in all the time,

But no! That is not the answer,

Or it might be the delightful answer…

I will still follow the natural law, though it seems hard for me,

People will see me like a mountain,

But deep inside, it keeps the lies and story carved like the scenery...

There is no will without a will...

: awalkhamis :

earlythursday@rocketmail.com

Am I that stupid or what?

In my whole life am I just a burden that always bring jinx all the time,

Am I just a person that destroys everything that is already perfect in line?

And is it because of me the lines always overlap,

Am I lack of confidence to face this treacherous fate,

I kept saying that I was too fragile and to indecisive,

Yes, perhaps I am,

But I don’t want it to stay there forever,

Melancholy is just like a stupid love song,

And it wasn’t supposed to be published in any single way,

But yet worm holes were found and begin everything all over again,

That bleeds again,

Why you must be like this?

Why did you do this?

Why did I felt this way?

Mixed up with everything,

I’m thinking,

That every matter that is happening right now are related to what will I decide soon,

It will be done and adapted in my way of thinking,

But,

A new thought sometimes seems not going to work

And that is also will be a ‘maybe in perhaps’

: awalkhamis :

earlythursday@rocketmail.com

Could it be the end?..

Looks like everything turns out to be not like I hoped it would be,

And most probably this is the new journey,

Denial is still in me; however it couldn’t be used,

Faith and believe in excepting and trying to re-shuffle the present for the sake of the future,

But it couldn’t be done,

The part of letting life goes is strongly persuasive in which by not holding to the sake of sins,

Unfortunately thoughts are still wisely can determine,

Telling others by these would get me a so-called support,

But do they really support me?

Kept saying they love me more or less,

But life often taught me how to be alone and emptiness of mind and heart are scattered,

Having a thought of living alone is crucially immense,

For some reasons it is very reliable,

Condolences to your own lives ain’t utterly fulfil that desire,

Fragile by the unseen cracks,

Off by the transitory of never loose hope,

And hoped can’t be used in this for god sake times,

Though it seems sad and scattered,

But at least I know what I do and what to do..

 : awalkhamis :

earlythursday@rocketmail.com

i'm a messed...

i am a mess right now... i've been kicked out from the house... and i don't know where to go without money...

there is so many shit in this situation.. because i don't know what the heck is my fault.. i am really pist off...

i feel so sad..

no determination..

no spirit..

i just can't explain how sad and disappointed i am.. because i can't explain how, what, or why... i just don't know..

what i know is i need to find a place to crash...

the story of my eternal...

this few weeks of my semester first semester break had turned out wrong and perhaps good...


why???


because.. i need to re-construct some stuffs given by my sister to me for her company... and i was like... kakak.. too much la dear... and in a mean while i need to go and help my brother-in-law with his palm tree farm for clearance.. mcm membersihkan pokok2 renek yg dekat2 pokok sawit 2 la... betapa sedihnya aq bila aq balik untuk amek muet ari ni kt penang, most of the villagers said that..


' oii... awat ngan meghelit sgt ni???.... hg buat apa??..'
'segaknya anak kak yam ni.... tapi syg... kulit sikit hangus..'


kuajaq!!!.... aq rasa mcm nk p bakaq ja uma org yg kata kt aq.... so aq terpksa tahan telinga n bersabar dgn hya mmpu tersenyum simpul... sbb kampung org suma aq ni budak yg low-profile... tp aq ni lebih3 plak low dy.... smpi uma penghulu pown aq xtaw,... n yess.... AQ XTAW... aq besaq pown bukan sbb penghulu 2 pown... hahaha


for my mind now i have never felt this clear for last couple of months.. betoll la aq ase aq ni dah moved on... huhuhu.... amat lah terkilan merasai perubahan ini... *shed tears like diva dpt award*..


oo yeah.... smlm time aq otw nak balik penang in the same  bus there was this one aunty yg ntah,,... perhaps ramah kowt.... hahah.... tp aq ase mcm loser j... hahaha... masuk2 ty sit ni kosong x... obviously tmpt yg dy nk dudok 2 xdew org... n most of the time in that bus people will take free-sits.. aq pown dgn comel nya ckap lah... 'ntah.... dudok j la duloo.. kalu adew org nk dudok bgon ler opah oii...'... hahaha... idok nye aq jawap ghope itu... sopan j... aq geleng j.... hahaha... then dy start buat ramah.,... sembang2... idm about that.. tp yg dy sembangkan pasal org.... mle2 nada dy mcm kesian... tp da lme2 aq dgr citew dy mcm nk aibkan... aq tros pndng tmpt laen n buat bodoh... then dy g cte plak kat lady yg kt sblh dy plak... aq mcm... OMG!!... makcik... dulu nk keje nk jd broadcaster xjd ea.... uurrrggghhh...... hahah


mcm3 ragam org kan... nk dkt2 kiamat ni.... haha..... aq nk tegelak pown adew gak... and this one time i said to my fren... we were arguing about something and aq bengang nan dy.... aq memaen aq kte aq dah bawu ketiak dy da mcm bawu ikan masin... then dy mecok.. ktenye... elloww aq xmndi pown aq bawu wangi okeyyy..... aq hangen aq bidah blik aq kate... 


'ko gi cari kucing.... dudok ckap depan dy sampai dy paham then baru ko dtg cari aq ckap dgn aq psl 2...' hahahaha.... bes gle.... sampai bilew pown kucing 2 xpaham... and kalu dy buat gak... mmg adew reserve katil kosong dekat hospital bahagia tanjung rambutan... hahaha.....

i'll be away for a period of time...

due to some causes...

me rite now..

im addicted for love... love from my love ones... were are they... my precious....

some say patient is a very good thing in making you stronger.. i used to not to believed in it... but then i discover something that is not vulnerable anymore... something strong... and i know i have to believe in it... and now i am being patient.. i hope it can stand for a long period of  time.. before im not a cooling and let it go person... now im starting to learn it... cz i knew... i will faced it soon.. better i learn it now... and it is a bless.. and im still stressing this..... soon you will know and learn it... everyone will faced what are you facing.. and its all depends on time our own life and well-being.. and it is trustworthy...

im addicted for love... love from my love ones... were are they... my precious....

i felt so not good....

im not that good in being alone... i must always need a person that is always be by my side.... i need to be cherished... that's all... but i easily got bored...

MIMING 'WAKA-WAKA' - Shakira

suka3!!!.... hhahahahaha cikgu shida rox!!!

MIMING Jahat (Stacy)

hahahaha lawak syialll

bodoh betol org zaman skrg ni kan..

cikgu shida is not that bad... she's just a simple person that maybe releasing her tension in that kind of way... we have our own kind of do so... hahaha/....

i just think that she is cool and adorable... and yong... i think people are not paranoid..

THEY ARE STUPID... because they don't even think out of the box by which it were just for fun and entertaining.. and i'll bet anyone that she had already think about posting it over and over again... ok maybe org akan kte...

'agk2 r.. dy 2 pompuan.. cikgu plak 2'...

try to think la... SHE HAS THINK ABOUT IT PEOPLE...

mesti2 dah fikir... ok what... its not a big deal.. better than ORG2 MELAYU yg post video rogol or sex yg dorg bangge2 sgtkn 2... yg 2 xpe plak.... bullshit la... c'mon... don't be a fool.. bende yg sex2 ni ske plak... siap simpan buat collection... so that dorg boleh try stail and pose baru... bangang an... haisshhh.... 

nak cakap org tgk la kitew duloo... bukan bagos sgt pown...

my fellow frens..

if you have a problems.. how do you confront it??

we have our own style to overcome the matter..

hmmm... but that is not the point... the point is i just want to say that people need to really rely on something to make us have the courage to be back on track..

as for me.. in all my problems lately... i mean in past few weeks... i'll say..

i won't let a small thing jeopardizes my life because it is just like a small dot on a large piece of paper.. and everytime i think about that phrase i apparently can think and pulled things out... hmmmm... 

so in the end.. to reconquer that world that is used to be perfect.. one need to think of what and how it can be sustained by not to stained of anything...

perhaps people will say...

'hey pokcik kudin... your grammar is off..'

i will say... 

stick your head to it and read with your soul my son..'

i don't want to see you ever again!!!!...

stupid!!!... benci3!!!.... till the end of timee!!!.... 


ummmm... actually xde pape pown... its jus i wanna say im on my way to ma hometown.. in 45 minutes when i post this.... huhuhu.... will be back in 5-6 weeks

hopes and possibilities

In this fiery mission of life,

People tend to lost their ways and insanity,

Things were said without evaluating,

Threw all the words unconsciously,

But then it is realized

Mind were set before,

That nothing could be a saviour,

Even for those who tried to,

Nothing were felt on the actions done,

Some do felt and some only vivid visions,

A soul that is long gone came back in one’s pace,

All without plan came in an uncertain ways,

Trying and provoking other than giving light to a new leaf,

It seems so hard to end all of this misery,

All the misery business created that just realized,

One’s thinking deeply,

Although happy portraits all thing,

But deep behind the curtain of smile,

There’s a very dark and wide black holes,

Screwing unseen with the eye of sight,

But it does with the eye of heart and pure soul,

To end this episode of commiseration,

One’s need to think rationally,

Hands were given to one to find he great escape,

But one seems don’t understand,

Or one’s pretend like he didn’t understand

Every single love had been planted inside one’s mind,

So stubborn and obstinate in thinking,

Why can’t he understand that everyone shows it right now?

Even the long gone soul,

One’s is being appreciated on his way,

And the help from him is ever-going,

And that is what one is waiting for.