hopes and possibilities

In this fiery mission of life,

People tend to lost their ways and insanity,

Things were said without evaluating,

Threw all the words unconsciously,

But then it is realized

Mind were set before,

That nothing could be a saviour,

Even for those who tried to,

Nothing were felt on the actions done,

Some do felt and some only vivid visions,

A soul that is long gone came back in one’s pace,

All without plan came in an uncertain ways,

Trying and provoking other than giving light to a new leaf,

It seems so hard to end all of this misery,

All the misery business created that just realized,

One’s thinking deeply,

Although happy portraits all thing,

But deep behind the curtain of smile,

There’s a very dark and wide black holes,

Screwing unseen with the eye of sight,

But it does with the eye of heart and pure soul,

To end this episode of commiseration,

One’s need to think rationally,

Hands were given to one to find he great escape,

But one seems don’t understand,

Or one’s pretend like he didn’t understand

Every single love had been planted inside one’s mind,

So stubborn and obstinate in thinking,

Why can’t he understand that everyone shows it right now?

Even the long gone soul,

One’s is being appreciated on his way,

And the help from him is ever-going,

And that is what one is waiting for.

until my last breath

Cannot cry it loud enough

I'm giving up this ghost

How can I still justify

When you deny my voice

In this nothing I am not allowed

I just follow alone

Words as weapons without a sound

Echoes dying unborn

Until my last breath

You'll never know

Until you feel the silence

When I am gone

Now is vanishing

Everything

What we might have been

Only now you praise

Call my name that you won't see again

Who can change this memory

Inside it needs to burn

Worship by the enemy

The guilty take their turns

Watching as it's disappearing

Shadows all that remain

Wishes slowly crossing over

In this parade of pain

Until my last breath

You'll never know

Until you feel the silence

When I am gone

Now is vanishing

Everything

What we might have been

Only now you praise

Call my name that you won't see again

the atmosphere is just killing...

i'm hoping that my future survival is bearable.. i wish that i could just unplugged and only turn on when the time is up..

i do believe

i always believe in the reading of cosmography which is ilmu falak.. the world is divided into 4 elements of creation on the studies.. water, earth, fire and air.. these elements were really depending on each other... it keeps the balance of the world.. 

there are still studies which consist the element of SPIRIT.. which me myself don't know how to read it.. it was showed in this pentagram..

well what i wanna share here is.. i can read peoples characteristic through their date of birth.. i learned from my sister which she went to Dr.Azizan's class.. i can also determine their elements and the personality of that person.. because i had experienced it.. from the call it is all true.. in the reading it contains the elements of

water, earth, fire, air, wood and metal.

my element is FIRE.. and my inner element was also FIRE..

some people would have fire with water or any elements in the world.. i am a person that is hard to listen to something because i'm a hard-headed person.. because my level of ego is very high.. i can't easily admit my mistake on the first place.. this my real element is.. fire in and out.. and that is why some people will be in fear when i was not mad and they will be really fear when i am really mad.. because the aura that i possess from the element is just unbareable..

actually the real call is this..

i was sitting in my room today after i got back from old town with izzul.. he gave me 2 songs that i heard of it over and over again even right now.. but its not the song what i want to talk about.. its about i was sitting alone.. and suddenly i think of my past and what have i've done here in shah alam in a couple of month.. and i need something more.. something that is rarely unusual.. that is all about.. but in the middle i just couldn't bare it.. so i went for a jog at the lake.. because when i see the element were there and giving my body the air needed is than i can relief and regain back my courage and energy.. 

and when i got home i straightly sit for awhile and then go to bath.. there i sit for few minutes trying  to figure have i overcome the state where i can turn into a maniac.. and i did.. but my heart still feeling the grumble.. i am sure that i had already overcome my problems through the jog and all the air and serene that i collected from the jog.. because in life, i just couldn't risk everything that i ever had to a simple flaws that is already a memoirs.. and if the last option is risk all of it.. believe me.. i'm a person that can let it flew just in a single words.. and at that particular time i will partly disappointed because i did it.. i can bare the thing is because often do it in my 'past lives'.. a just can easily leave with it.. seriously i don't know what am i thinking and says..

i am FIRE IN AND OUT!!..

could u please!!~~..

stop making me being negative heart.... im sick of u.. dont make me replace u..


im saying that cz it kept feeling BABI!!.. huhh!!~~..


actually its this.. it was partly heart.. partly is this...

yes.. i dont have anything to offer.. and if u cant stand it, juz back the fuck off!!.. before i say something that its not me saying it..

For once!!~~..

for once.. again in my life i felt alive again just now..

i did hurt a feeling.. that i dunno is it purposely or not.. i couldn't clarify it.. i am so alive... i revived.. i've never been like that for 'centuries'.. i was jubilant.. and i dont know how to describe it.. and it did cured a few of my questions..

Waking up I see that everything is OK.. The first time in my life and now it's so great.. Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed.. I think about the little things that make life great

I wouldn't change a thing about it

This is the best feeling

This innocence is brilliant.. I hope that it will stay.. This moment is perfect.. Please don't go away.. I need you now and I'll hold on to it don't you let it pass you by

I found a place so safe, not a single tear.. The first time in my life and now it's so clear.. Feel calm, I belong,.. I'm so happy here and it's so strong and now I let myself be sincere.

It's a state of bliss, you think you're dreaming

It's the happiness inside that you're feeling

It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry

i wanna blab~~...

last nite i had a dream... and it wasn't that neither nice nor bad..

and i don't know what does it mean.. ok.. if u guys can work it out do comment..

i was having a walk at a lake alone.. on a rainy day with a stormclouds and thunder grumbling.. i was so restricted at that time.. by meaning i saw many thing which is i don't even know what is it.. and the most sad thing is... the people in my dreams is my loved one.. and used to be my loved one.. there's my mom, my family, irwan, nua, amin and my blood siblings..

but all of them were in a different condition.. by mean that they were doing odd things.. my mom was with a guy and i know that guy.. because that guy is my step dad.. and i just 'have' my step dad.. then my siblings.. but their motion its kinda blur.. i cant recall what is my sister doin and my brother did..

in irwan, nua and amin.. they were together doing wreckless things that i dont wanna say it.. in real life they don't even knew each other.. they were off and out of the world..

last is my precious blood siblings.. but this case is different.. we were in a waterfall having fun.. but then they started to disappear starting wif kakak, then along and last is adeq.. when adeq is missing she did say something that i'm not cleared with.. in fact its like a whisper.. they were gone vanished.. and i couldn't find them.. after that i rushed to the place were we put our stuff and they were there.. i was so happy and i asked them were did they go...

the most tearing thing is they dont even know me and they even expel me chased me away.. i dont know why... but when i woke up i think i know the answer.. its because the thing i've done to them... and if its true... i'll be ready...

i dunno what is all that was really about... and im totally confused of it...

what a day!!~~~....

well basically today was erotic!!... hahaha...

my listening test went well wifout any problems... except for the IPA... heck that thing turned me out into an ogre.. i felt like i wanna scream in there... but yong apparently in front of me so aq xleh nk bising sgt... nanti aq kne bard... hilang follower sorg... huhu...

then we went to fad's place for ' JAMUAN LEBARKAN-BADAN '... uma kakak and uma adeq... i was driving... hahaha.. LIKE!!!... org yg adew lesen aq campak masok dalam bonet ikat dengan dawai tutup mulot dengan gam 3 second... hahaha..

pic nnt aq update ye... hohoh... blom amek ag... laaaa!!~~~...

i think today is what i can conclude is be the way you are to make it easier for you to loosen up a bit, clearing and changing things out.. be friendly but deep inside sumthing is goin on.. that only you know..

i think that this is my decisions~~

im relying on it too much and im taking it hardly..

im clearing my heart and my mind..

im changing everything..

and i know what will happen..

God would've want me to do this earlier..

a day like no other~~.. but am i stable..

the day was full of excitement..

after we had done sitting for our TMS 071 earlier in the morning.. we went to PKNS to eat and hangout just a bit.. it was cool.. but i cant barely eat at all... i got nausea when i eat.. at has been 3 days..

then we sit at taman tasik round a couple of hours... i sit and sit and sit.. i was wif them... and i do think sumthing about me myself... am i in a good condition??... can i get over the things... i meant all of it..

 

there's a person sat beside me all the time near the bank of the lake... but i kept silent and talk when necessary.. and i noe tht i was thinking in a good way,...

then i did ask myself am i cool already... am i stable.. well im in a phase were i am still adapting myself for it.. but deeply inside i will be so.. even if there is no reinforcement or a helping hands... im being strong..as i wish i do..

most of all i already had a conversation that i was waiting for.. it was a conversation like before.. the one that im missing of... but instead in the conversation gain lots of different sound and way of it.. it seems i dun mind.. but to sumthing that is i want n like the most, i do care and i do want it back.. but seems like it was not like before... i do feel sad for that and always be if i dun get it like before.. but the choice is in the hand of that person.. i do miss it.. i wanna say it hear.. but if i do.. people will realize.. i just want it all the time.. when there is a small talk wif me.. hmmmmmm.... i deeply sigh when i worte this... trying to get rid of it.. but seems that this is the only thing that will stay.. and i am sure about it..

thats all goodnight... im being the way i am before... need to change and stop.. orr........................

thing were out of my mind...

it gonna be simple and short after 2 days i did not update my kedai kopi..

a couple days before this was a very stressful and disappointing weeks.. and my dream did come true last night.. ' it was a storm that crash on my boat '.. that is how i put it in an unclear statement..

it very a big disappointment for me to create stuff that i was not supposed to do.. and from it i dragged innocent people.. and i've cleared everything this evening and i hope that was it.. no more... i'm sick of it... i dont want to be in a depression mode anymore... i want to overwhelm that sickness..

i just could not simply become depress and do something that is inappropriate..

i finally realized that from the tears i've shed by myself and other that i truly love and care is now a valueable thing.. and by this instance i've made up my mind to think in a new perspective.. if i was a skeptical person and its about time i changed that.. i love you guys so much.. but it was my way of loving u guys that needs to be understand by u guys.. because someone used to say to me...

'people wont changed.. and if u do not changed urself how are u gonna changed the people towards you..'

it seems simple and irrevocably twisting..  but after u read it and understand the true sentence.. u will discover something that is might be useful to ur life someday.. this word to day had changed my way of life.. many words today did affect me right now.. im thinking with the words that is given out to me today like..

' do not create a problem that will effect peoples way of thinking.. '

' do not put to many WHY in ur pathetic and absurd questions because 'someone' else will anwser it 4 u '

' try to think on the consequence on ur behaviour.. '

' do not let ur old mind set put u out '

' just think that this matter is a small black dot on a large piece of paper.. because u can cover it up.. '

the most important words that i've learned today is..

' WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH U WHEN EVERYTHING WAS JUST FINE!! '

and

' JANGAN BIARKAN BENDA KECIK HANCURKAN BENDA YANG DAH SEDIA KUKUH '

what i want rite now is that i will say thing directly.. THIS IS MY OATH.. i will say things the same to the person that i should tell earlier with the person that i am telling stuff of that person... it seems confusing.. but if really understand what am i trying to say.. u'll know what i mean..

so now as a remedy for myself i set a new perspective that i will be much better with YOU..  YOU.. and YOU.. im done with saying im sorry but keep repeating the same thing over and over again..

i read this on one of my friends profile in fb..

' though life seems unfair but i love my companion.. '

i love it and i wanna live with it.. and i hope that u will call me 'angah' all the time anytime anywhere.. and im begging you to do so.. im asking it from u..

i will understand u the way u understand me..

i will not be selfish to just think of myself.. i'll try..

I also hoped that u read this and it will clear a few thing from ur head..

is it true??

have u ever wonder why people that u did not do wrong to is very cruel and bad to u... u did not do anything bad to that person... but the person kept saying and throw shits about the thing that is not true.. have u ever wanted to ask and want to know why, but u dont think that it is the right time yet or u dont have enough guts to ask or things is still in control.. i'm sure we used to be in that position..

have u ever wonder why do some people were too obsessed wif u.. although u had been explaining for a thousand times the reason and maybe consequense.. because sometime we maybe overwhelmed wif it.. but its not gonna be forever...

have u ever been in a crush state where u were down like hell and eventually no one can speak out or give u enough intention to overcome the so-called 'fear'.. because yes.. sumtimes we crucially need it.. but sumtimes we need to be alone to figure it out by our own.. and i would say for me being alone to figure things is good.. but most of the time me myself seek for other people wisdom...

have u ever loved someone like there is no tomorrow??.. i am always like that.. i love all the people that i used to be cruel to.. dinie.. fathi.. acap.. nieda.. fasihah.. am.. nadya.. etc2... and most of all to my beloved siblings.. arif bahari.. azwa asham and fara aisyah.. i loved them... many2.. i've been obsessed in loving someone like maniac.. and it caused me a lot of trouble.. because u will do anything for them... well technically.. not all..

have u ever felt depressed like wanna cry everytime u 'crushed' sumthing that u precious the most.. like breaking ur parents heart for example.. for me.. i havent done that to my mom.. its a lie if i did not do it at all.. i do break it a lot.. but i make it up back to her.. and she except me.. but for others i did it a lot... and they kept forgiving me and dont loose hope.. i rarely appreciate it.. because sumtimes im a denial person.. but have u guys being in that mode of depression??..

have u ever been annoyed wif somone like 'OMG!!... IM GONNA KILL YOU... BIG TIME!!!...' haha.. yes... only we know when u annoyed wif someone.. for me.. i used to annoyed wif  someone that i shouldn't... im a staright forward person in things that im annoyed with.. i used to be wif most of my classmates.. because when im annoyed i will try to know and think why do i felt annoyed wif that person..

what ever we have beeen through but remember.. there is always answer for anything... for me.. i havent found a lot of answer to my questions.. and it is a lot..

thanks to people that is being cruel to me... yes... i do have people like that in my life..

thanks to people that is obsessed wif me.. yes.. sumtimes it do freaks me out...

thanks to people that gave wisdom to me.. yes.. this time i really appreciate it..

thanks to people that i loved.. yes.. it did cheer me up.. to my siblings.. im bad and i will never be good enough for u guys..

thanks to people that always forgave me.. yes... i do feel ashamed of myself..

thanks to people that felt annoyed with me.. there is a reason why did it..

u need to really know me then i will felt really happy and small matters will not happen..

do not simply say..

'awal.. i know u.. u are a person that is not hard to be figure out'

maybe yes...

but u guys were wrong..

there is many more thing that u guys dont know me..

who i am really from the inside..

hellenistic nite!!~~~...

huhu... again tonite...

aq mkn kt ss2 murni lg... hahahahaha..... and its kinda cool... aq xmkn dri pg... n td bru sentuh mknan.. sbb perot aq sakit.. hehehe... its about my sickness.. n i havent consumed any medicine for that sickness.. hahah... what ever... i kinda like that pain.. it gives me the time to feel dead...

td g mkn dgn ijoy, zahin, nadia and pojie... GOD DAMN nadia is nice.. hahaha... cool giler... i need more frens like that hahaha.... gives me joy... not that im saying my frens now didn't give me joy... but from her its more... hehehe... aq xbuat ape pown ari ni... aq menghilangkan diri seharian dan huhu.. only sumone noe where actually i am.. aq avoid everyone..

about 6pm bru aq 'balik'... relief..

haha... sume org dah blik.... aq xgelak.. bnde pling lawak mlm ni... bodo amat!!!.. its about me n fathi...

cite gini...

td ptg aq cuci and padam white board yg aq conteng2.. huhuhu... there is one part yg aq xbley nk padam sbb aq conteng gne sharpie... huhu... n aq ty fathi..

me:

weyh.. cmner ea nk padam bnde yg aq conteng 2...

fathi:

ko amek marker pen then ikot balik outline..

me:

buang mse la fathi...

fathi:

then aq xtawu la nk buat cmner......... haaaaa..... amek la minyak tanah....

(now im being sarcastic wif fathi)

me:

ooo.... ok.. so now aq kne g cari pasir n panaskan la???...

fathi:

ooo... mcm 2 ea nk buat minyak tanah???..

at that time aq gelak macam syial...

me:

STUPID fathi i was joking... that is not the way... mne adew manusia bodoh buat minyak tanah mcm 2!!...

fathi:

mane la aq nk tawu...

me:

im being sarcastic la bangang!!... ko mmg sume bnde ko xtawu..

mmg aq ase mcm nk gantung diri j bangang gle!!!

this is fathi!!!.... my roommate

what person am i??....

egoistic??..

redundent??..

denial??..

negative??...

bad omen??..

cruel??..

STUPID??..

i dont know who am i anymore... this problems are already been a while now.. all the things i do, treats, say and respond gives pple a heartbreak.. hahh.. dont say about heart break...

that is my surname if that is.. cz u noe y... i kept doin and repeating unnecessary things.. like all the things that i stated above... seems like pple r being good to me but why i dont do the same things to them..

yess.. pple do say..

'awal u've done so many gud things.. its just only u did not realized about it'

but what have i done good??..

list me all of it... tell me i wnat to know!!!

if the things i've done is the things that u actually can achieve without my help that means NOT!!.. this is not negative.. but its the truth... it was just a help...

yess.. pple do say..

'awal.. its a lie if our lives dont have ups and down.. sometimes we felt lonely deep inside.. but remember u are not lonely on the outside.. there is pple that still love u no matter what u feel and what u do'

this is not sumthing that i would not expect on the first place.. but yess it also make sence.. maybe i just cant see.. or i still dont know what is the real meaning of love... because why... i need answers for all the things that is happening.. for instance.. why does a person act naturally after i've done many bad and unnecessary this to him/her.. it seems like the thing is non effect their condition... its like they were heartless...

and they say..

'it's because of love.. sometimes we dont know why we felt such ways'

yes... agree.. looking on the bright side.. I HAVE DONE BAD THINGS TO YOU for GOD SAKE!!... cant u realized that...

yess.. pple do say..

'loving someone is not about owning someone'

i could not utterly disagree.. because yes.. some do it and some dont.. if u get what i mean..

there is so many questions that pple always say

'xpyh la nk pk bnde3 remeh ni... bnde simple.. problems come and go.. live ur life.. enjoy it'

what the hell was that??.. for me... the smallest things that pple clarify as 'picisan' is not for me.. it will effect my way of acting and think.. as we all know every act and words came with consequences..

i just dont know..

seems like i'm totally mixed up in a labyrinth.. dont know when i will escape.. this things happen when i moved to the adolescene world.. meaning in my IPTA 'seasons'.. i became indigeneous.. i cant make up my mind.. i can do it but it takes time.. and things had already rotten out when i finally realized the answer and it is also too late..

yess.. pple do say..

'ko xbodoh.. ko cme xtawu mne kaca, mne permata'

mcm mne aq nk tawu klu korg xbg tawu aq bnde yg sbenar... igt aq ni edward cullen boleh bce pale otak org.. totally a bullshit..

kt sini aq nk luahkan... plz give me the reason for all my questions... i really need it.. aq dah serabut..

yess.. pple do say..

'aq tanak ko serabut2 nk pk bnde2 mcm nie.. its only a small things... abaikan j'

eleeehhhhh.... sng la ko ckp... bukan ko yg nk kne buat keputusan..

yess.. pple do say..

'u think what is best for u.. and remember we will alwyas support u'

=.=".... that is all i've got to say...

and lately it seems the word LOVE is fading from my sanity.. its hard for me to ever love sumone.. the love is no longer trigger my humanity..

yess.. pple do say..

'it's not that i don't care about u anymore , u have her to care for u ..and , i just don't wanna bother ..
deep inside , no one know what am i feeling ..'

what was that... OMG!!.. CARE??... u said care... im gonna jump up a cliff if say that again.. ur care is not like what i've wanted... i do want care.. but the care i want is like how my sister does... my real sister... she care like i dun realized it... she do and say words that is very tearing.. but in the end its a purpose of what she said..

she said this in the 1st eid when i hoped and glitter myself for her forgiveness.. and she was crying when she said this...

'adeq.. kakak syg sgt kt kamu.. dalam kelarga kita yg mcm ni... kita dua ja yg boleh paham masalah masing2.. selama ni kakak hina hg.. kakak kutuk hg.. bukan sbb kakak xsyg kt hg... kakak nk hg jd kuat.. teguh.. seteguh mana kita dapat bertahan selama ni deq... xdak bnda yg aq buat kt hg xdak sebab.. suma bersebab.. hg jgn igt slma hg hidop dlm kehidupan mcm ni hg rasa sorg2... aq ada adeq... kita ada.. kita ada kasih sayang yg mana sapa pown xdapat nk paham.. mungkin hg sakit hati dgn apa yg kakak buat... tp adeq... utk bg hg kuat adeq... kakak kna ajaq hg mcm 2'

the time i heared that from her.. i realized that.. love is not what u expressed to sumone.. its what u have done to sumone.. aq xtawu mcm mna nk luahkan kasih sayang aq.. aq cuma tawu mcm mana nk syg org dgn cara aq.. dan cara aq mmg cara yg manusia xdpt terima... percayalah.. kasih sayang aq adalah sesuatu yg korg akan dpat dan fikirkan bila korg betul2 knl aq dan knp aq buat mcm 2... u can just simply ask.. but usually i will not answer..

and if i answer it... it would not be in a good way.. because its my way to love pple in cruelly stuff..

what is the purpose of that sentence.. yes.. it seems like im blaming all the pple that trying to put effort to 'save' me.. a big round of applause!!!.... like what do i care i would say... but yet i do care for some words.. trust me... its not that im blaming all of u... try to read and evaluate it by my respond... be smart enough to think supernaturally... not the way that u used to think when u say things to me..

last nite was hell yeahh!!~~

ter baek la smlm..

hahaha.... ann, aq nan lueloo p mkn kt ss2 murni.... hohooho.... terbaek wokk!!!... the service was like OMG!!.. hahaha... pantas drpd pizza... mknn pown berpatutan... air yg dihidangkn standard noodle station... ala2 bistro... tp sumpah!!... kedai dy mmg mcm kedai yg cikai giler!!... fuhh!!..

yg kami order smlm..

makanan

mee raja, chicken chop special, chicken chop, nasi goreng chicken chop and spagheti bolognaise meatball..

air

guava, i miss u and pink panther..

waa ckp luu.. mmg sdp gile babeng r!!!.. hohoho... and total price is rm72!!... hahaha... quite reasonable la when u go there and see how the dishes were made and serve...

bess!!... sampai xterhabes... kesian kt mee raja... hahahaha....

2 thumbs up - kedai ss2 murni!!..

bangon pagi, gosok mate, mengeliat, kentut lagi~~~... hahahha

pagi ini aq bangon lambat... bahana lettey smlm kowt... hahahah

hebat hebat hebat!!...

hahah... pepgi buta aq dah terima panggilan dari nadya nanda ajak dating kt sunway... hahah... aq tolak pelawaan sebab aq risaw.. ye la kan.. aq kt HOT STUFF.. t dy p juai aq xke naya aq... hbes saham.... jatuh wall street sbb aq xdew.... ahahahahahaha.... nope actually... aq tga tidow... so aq mls nk lyn sgt sapa yg call aq... huhuhu... habit...

bgon ja... bru nk dudok depan mini dah dpt jemputan mkn tgh ari dgn lue and ann... hohoho p mkn kt murni... semata2 nk p bandar tasik permaisuri nk mkn kt bistro 2... hahahaha.... agak jaoh ye tuan2 dan pompuan.... no matter what depa kna blnja... I DONT CARE... hahaha... kalu dop depa blik jln kaki... sbb aq yg drive as usual..... nyiaaa!!!!.... intend to ajak along tapi dy namaw p...

'KEBERATAN LA NK P... SEBAB KALU MKN HARGA MCM KT SEKSYEN 2 NI XPALA'.....

ahhahahaha..... mcm 2 la hujah yg diberikan.... hohoho...

=.=".........

aq bru dpt berita tergempar.... along yg sgt kojaq!!!..... dy kta aq jerit dlm toilet smlm sbb 'tgn aq gaban'.. n aq paham mksod dia!!!..... dak mengong!!!.... aq sejok la along weyyy kna ayaq!!!....... pemikiran yg hancuss!!!....

attoi.... sakit kpla aq!!!..... along3!!!!.... aq patah2 kn tulang hg 2 nnt!!!..... attoi!!!!!!......

hahaha... hattoi.... 2 je la yg mmpu aq respond... alongggggg......

(-____-")

aq lettey sgt... xtaw sepaa.....~~~

huhu... leteeyyyy.... bdan lemah la anda suma...

semalam ampai sini amatlah lambat!!!.... bus delay gila babi!!!... tiket beli jam 4.15... aleh2 jam 5 bru mai... natte sunggoh... gerak nk dekat 5.30.. hurrggghhhh...

sampai kt kolej dlm sebelai lebbey... hancus bettoi....

nsib pg td lepas suboh sampai jam saploh ujan.. huhuhu.. like.. huhuh... bgon aq berkepompong depan laptop cm besa... then along ajak p mayang jumaat... sampai lambat kt masjid... hahahaha.... suma gara2 along yg guna RAM yg slow n memory dah byk kna virus dan bersawang... hahahaha... sampai  mesjid imam dah takbir derr... hahaha... belari la apa lagi.. n along boleh larii.... tp kecundang sbb enjin sbelah dah limit... hahahaha... p jalan.. blik pown jalan... hmmmm.....

apa yg bes ptg td time nk p antaq bju atan kt empire gallery subang... hahaha... blah polis kt tol batu 3.. hahaha... polis tahan.. bajet nk benti la... agak joh skit pecut gu tu ja.... mana ada dah.... berabuk misai pakcik polis 2... hahahaha.... dah sampai dapat la duit raya rm20..... better dari xdapat apa2... aq harap dapat duit ijaw... last... merah... hahah... ok la 2...

td p makan dgn luu.. teman dy... aq dah kenyang mcm ulaq sawa... hahaha.... sembang2.. then aq blik... on fb jap... menyakat adeq n aq pown dah mls nk layan org... hahaha.... tga tgu along kta nk mai amek bnda kt aq.... aq dah ngantok dah... klu aq tidoq t aq swoh dy layan diri la kowt... hahah... mndi pown belom.... belengash!!!!.... hahahaha....

p/s: aq asa aq nmpk nadya td....

am goin back 2 my 'lovely' town of shah alam.. haaaaahhh~~

before goin back 2 shah alam.. sempat ag aq on9 tat mcd.... buang mase kt sini... klu dok uma pown bukan boleh buat ape pown..

i'll be departure at 4.15pm at penang sentral today wif along, nadya and am.. hahaha... aq kne g sane awal.. sbb aq yg pgg tiket... klu aq lambat nnt dorg tercari2 n tertgu3 plak.... my responsibility to wait for them because im in charge... huhuhuhu....

aq dah xtawu nak tulis ape... and xtawu otak aq pk ape.. sbb tgn aq shaking ttbe and jd xsedap at... ya allah... harap la xjd pape.. ya allah.. takot gak aq... hmmmm.... xdew pape la nk jd... ok2 j...

hmmmmm......

this feeling invade my soul again~~~....

what the hell is wrong wif me..

i thought when im home wif my family.. my stupid feeling wont back arouse.. but ever since i lay my head back to this person.. i felt envy and jealousy..

and i felt like i wanna cry and most of the time, i wanna repeat my old habit.. taking excessive amount of medicine.. well.. to be frank.. yes i do take 'it' back.. much bigger dose then i ever done.. of koz wif coke.. and to be frankly true is yes.. i do have health issues.. and the issues is my hobby.. cz i know.. no body will care..

this whole fortnight is just a messy and most killing weeks for me.. as u can see.. im 'taking' my medicine back and i've done and say wreckless thing.. believe me.. u dun wnna noe..

i was hoping that i was given a light to survive after this.. but indeed.. nothing on what i hoped for is not gonna happen AT ALL!!.. darn!!.. i hate my life!!..

i've been living for two years wif this kind of hobbies and the effect is really fast.. hmmmm... now.. i just wait to be charged in ICU.. hahahaha.... that is my biggest hope... im sick of it...

sick of being envy..

sick of being foolish..

sick of living..

sick of hoping...

sick of PEOPLE...

stop being nice wif me.. stop being nice in front of me if u really dunno who i am and what i am also why i am.. this is so FUCKING bullshit!!..

nobody will...... im sick of u guys and myself.. cz i will torture myself if i cant handle it..

i just cant say things to people face to face.. about something personal to me and sometimes FORCE is good.. but most of the time i will be solid rock..

aq dah mle bosan dgn idop~~~

OMG!!!!.....

raya kedua aq amat bosan ya tuhan.... dah blik kg pown mcm kg hantu... sbb relative sume dah blik... sape ag nk adew kt kg dah rya kedua..... bosan............................................... naseb baek jap g aq nk k pantai... huhuhu... boleh la tngkn fikiran cari wisdom and serenity in life that is long gone and disappear...

sumtimes it is very rigid and elusive...and that is all i got to say... huhuhu..... boring like F* bullshit~~~~... =_="

hahahahaha.... aq nk mndi.... bawu mcm ketiak rattu!!!!... hahhahhaahhahaa