this feeling invade my soul again~~~....

what the hell is wrong wif me..

i thought when im home wif my family.. my stupid feeling wont back arouse.. but ever since i lay my head back to this person.. i felt envy and jealousy..

and i felt like i wanna cry and most of the time, i wanna repeat my old habit.. taking excessive amount of medicine.. well.. to be frank.. yes i do take 'it' back.. much bigger dose then i ever done.. of koz wif coke.. and to be frankly true is yes.. i do have health issues.. and the issues is my hobby.. cz i know.. no body will care..

this whole fortnight is just a messy and most killing weeks for me.. as u can see.. im 'taking' my medicine back and i've done and say wreckless thing.. believe me.. u dun wnna noe..

i was hoping that i was given a light to survive after this.. but indeed.. nothing on what i hoped for is not gonna happen AT ALL!!.. darn!!.. i hate my life!!..

i've been living for two years wif this kind of hobbies and the effect is really fast.. hmmmm... now.. i just wait to be charged in ICU.. hahahaha.... that is my biggest hope... im sick of it...

sick of being envy..

sick of being foolish..

sick of living..

sick of hoping...

sick of PEOPLE...

stop being nice wif me.. stop being nice in front of me if u really dunno who i am and what i am also why i am.. this is so FUCKING bullshit!!..

nobody will...... im sick of u guys and myself.. cz i will torture myself if i cant handle it..

i just cant say things to people face to face.. about something personal to me and sometimes FORCE is good.. but most of the time i will be solid rock..