what person am i??....

egoistic??..

redundent??..

denial??..

negative??...

bad omen??..

cruel??..

STUPID??..

i dont know who am i anymore... this problems are already been a while now.. all the things i do, treats, say and respond gives pple a heartbreak.. hahh.. dont say about heart break...

that is my surname if that is.. cz u noe y... i kept doin and repeating unnecessary things.. like all the things that i stated above... seems like pple r being good to me but why i dont do the same things to them..

yess.. pple do say..

'awal u've done so many gud things.. its just only u did not realized about it'

but what have i done good??..

list me all of it... tell me i wnat to know!!!

if the things i've done is the things that u actually can achieve without my help that means NOT!!.. this is not negative.. but its the truth... it was just a help...

yess.. pple do say..

'awal.. its a lie if our lives dont have ups and down.. sometimes we felt lonely deep inside.. but remember u are not lonely on the outside.. there is pple that still love u no matter what u feel and what u do'

this is not sumthing that i would not expect on the first place.. but yess it also make sence.. maybe i just cant see.. or i still dont know what is the real meaning of love... because why... i need answers for all the things that is happening.. for instance.. why does a person act naturally after i've done many bad and unnecessary this to him/her.. it seems like the thing is non effect their condition... its like they were heartless...

and they say..

'it's because of love.. sometimes we dont know why we felt such ways'

yes... agree.. looking on the bright side.. I HAVE DONE BAD THINGS TO YOU for GOD SAKE!!... cant u realized that...

yess.. pple do say..

'loving someone is not about owning someone'

i could not utterly disagree.. because yes.. some do it and some dont.. if u get what i mean..

there is so many questions that pple always say

'xpyh la nk pk bnde3 remeh ni... bnde simple.. problems come and go.. live ur life.. enjoy it'

what the hell was that??.. for me... the smallest things that pple clarify as 'picisan' is not for me.. it will effect my way of acting and think.. as we all know every act and words came with consequences..

i just dont know..

seems like i'm totally mixed up in a labyrinth.. dont know when i will escape.. this things happen when i moved to the adolescene world.. meaning in my IPTA 'seasons'.. i became indigeneous.. i cant make up my mind.. i can do it but it takes time.. and things had already rotten out when i finally realized the answer and it is also too late..

yess.. pple do say..

'ko xbodoh.. ko cme xtawu mne kaca, mne permata'

mcm mne aq nk tawu klu korg xbg tawu aq bnde yg sbenar... igt aq ni edward cullen boleh bce pale otak org.. totally a bullshit..

kt sini aq nk luahkan... plz give me the reason for all my questions... i really need it.. aq dah serabut..

yess.. pple do say..

'aq tanak ko serabut2 nk pk bnde2 mcm nie.. its only a small things... abaikan j'

eleeehhhhh.... sng la ko ckp... bukan ko yg nk kne buat keputusan..

yess.. pple do say..

'u think what is best for u.. and remember we will alwyas support u'

=.=".... that is all i've got to say...

and lately it seems the word LOVE is fading from my sanity.. its hard for me to ever love sumone.. the love is no longer trigger my humanity..

yess.. pple do say..

'it's not that i don't care about u anymore , u have her to care for u ..and , i just don't wanna bother ..
deep inside , no one know what am i feeling ..'

what was that... OMG!!.. CARE??... u said care... im gonna jump up a cliff if say that again.. ur care is not like what i've wanted... i do want care.. but the care i want is like how my sister does... my real sister... she care like i dun realized it... she do and say words that is very tearing.. but in the end its a purpose of what she said..

she said this in the 1st eid when i hoped and glitter myself for her forgiveness.. and she was crying when she said this...

'adeq.. kakak syg sgt kt kamu.. dalam kelarga kita yg mcm ni... kita dua ja yg boleh paham masalah masing2.. selama ni kakak hina hg.. kakak kutuk hg.. bukan sbb kakak xsyg kt hg... kakak nk hg jd kuat.. teguh.. seteguh mana kita dapat bertahan selama ni deq... xdak bnda yg aq buat kt hg xdak sebab.. suma bersebab.. hg jgn igt slma hg hidop dlm kehidupan mcm ni hg rasa sorg2... aq ada adeq... kita ada.. kita ada kasih sayang yg mana sapa pown xdapat nk paham.. mungkin hg sakit hati dgn apa yg kakak buat... tp adeq... utk bg hg kuat adeq... kakak kna ajaq hg mcm 2'

the time i heared that from her.. i realized that.. love is not what u expressed to sumone.. its what u have done to sumone.. aq xtawu mcm mna nk luahkan kasih sayang aq.. aq cuma tawu mcm mana nk syg org dgn cara aq.. dan cara aq mmg cara yg manusia xdpt terima... percayalah.. kasih sayang aq adalah sesuatu yg korg akan dpat dan fikirkan bila korg betul2 knl aq dan knp aq buat mcm 2... u can just simply ask.. but usually i will not answer..

and if i answer it... it would not be in a good way.. because its my way to love pple in cruelly stuff..

what is the purpose of that sentence.. yes.. it seems like im blaming all the pple that trying to put effort to 'save' me.. a big round of applause!!!.... like what do i care i would say... but yet i do care for some words.. trust me... its not that im blaming all of u... try to read and evaluate it by my respond... be smart enough to think supernaturally... not the way that u used to think when u say things to me..